Your life. Here's why...
Your mom charges you a monthly rent of a kiss and a hug to live in her basement.
You were demoted from your previous job because the slurpie machine was too smart for you.
You spent half of last month's salary on seeing the new Star Trek film 18 times.
Your INFLATABLE girlfriend DUMPED YOU.
The best friend you ever had was your mom's mashed potatoes...and they still are.
In high school, you failed study hall.
You had to repeat kindergarten...12 times.
You think the modern MTV is the coolest thing ever.
Unicorns give you nightmares.
In 7th grade, you were last on the list of coolest kids, right behind Dave...and Jenny...and Tim...and your child molesting sweaty ugly gym teacher..and a rock...
Need I say more? PATHETIC!