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Definitions by One-eyed Willie

grippopotamus 

A morbidly obese woman with feral grip that could kill a man instantly. If she catches you with your pants down, her grip could lock you into your final position as her vacuum sealed semen extraction tool removes your soul from your shaft.
I want a grippopotamus for gripmas.
This grippopotamus that I work with has been giving me the eyes; it might not be the worst way to go.