1 definition by Cream Puff69
The mathematical process by which one or a group measures the quality and size of their shits. A way to compare shits between competing friends/enemies. There is an average shit for humanity, as taken by Jesus Christ unto St. Peter's face (the Holy Shit), and shits greater than or less than the Holy Shit is measured by standard deviation in terms of chippermonkeys. Shitistics apply to size, girth, smell, denisty, color, and toilet clogging ability. Shitistics are measured by a neutral arbiter in a "who took the biggest shit" dispute.
Jason: Shit dude, I took a huge shit this morning.
Matt: What are the shitistics you shithead?
Jason: Size: 1.2 chippermonkeys, Girth: 3.8 chippermonkeys, Smell: 2.8 chippermonkeys, Density: -1.9 chippermonkeys, Color: 0.2 chippermonkeys, Toilet Clogging: 10.0 chippermonkeys.
Matt: I guess thats a decent shit.
Jason: Shit, I had to buy new socks.
Matt: Tell Craig to come measure the shitistics on the deuce I just dropped.
Matt: What are the shitistics you shithead?
Jason: Size: 1.2 chippermonkeys, Girth: 3.8 chippermonkeys, Smell: 2.8 chippermonkeys, Density: -1.9 chippermonkeys, Color: 0.2 chippermonkeys, Toilet Clogging: 10.0 chippermonkeys.
Matt: I guess thats a decent shit.
Jason: Shit, I had to buy new socks.
Matt: Tell Craig to come measure the shitistics on the deuce I just dropped.
by Cream Puff69 October 13, 2012