2 definitions by Charliefoxtrot15336
Nestled in the foothills of the Blue Ridge mountains, Eden is one of the shittiest towns south of the Virginia border. During daylight hours, many of their convenience stores have glass stem roses and chore boys in the same display cabinet. The largest competition in town is the race to see which is worse, the dropout rate, teen pregnancy rate, unemployment rate, and crime rate. At any given time, you'll likely encounter trailer urchins in squatted trucks with straight piped exhaust. Likely they are blasting shitty trap music while getting road head from an underage girl they more than likely picked up at Sheetz or Walmart. At one time, Miller Brewing was a prominent employer in town, but God left town the day they left. For fun, residents enjoy the Eden Inn, which was voted best place to overdose in the county! Shoplifting from Walmart is also a popular pastime idea, and although Miller Brewing is gone, the locals like their beer the way they like their violence: Domestic.
God himself tried to clean the place up with a tornado in 2017, but the tornado must have been high because it hardly cleaned up anything. When approached for comment, he replied that he just didn't see why a perfectly good EF5 tornado should be wasted on the town when the opioid crisis is slowly but surely thinning the herd.
God himself tried to clean the place up with a tornado in 2017, but the tornado must have been high because it hardly cleaned up anything. When approached for comment, he replied that he just didn't see why a perfectly good EF5 tornado should be wasted on the town when the opioid crisis is slowly but surely thinning the herd.
Did you see the crime report? Eden, NC is tripping
What I love about Eden, NC is stepping on a heroin syringe shortly after being called a motherfucker by a 9 year old
What I love about Eden, NC is stepping on a heroin syringe shortly after being called a motherfucker by a 9 year old
by Charliefoxtrot15336 October 13, 2019
Nestled in the foothills of the Blue Ridge mountains in Rockingham County, NC, there are two towns that are intertwined more than the gene pool of most of the residents. To say the least, there is a white trash problem there.
There are two things to do for fun: play everyone's favorite guessing game "meth heads or hillbillies" or join the locals on the football field at McMichael High School with a beer cooler and watch mobile homes go up and down US 220. "Oh shit, here comes a double wide, someone won the lottery!"
A trip to Walmart is a quick reminder that you won the genetic lottery. If you are wearing a collared shirt and decent jeans, I promise you're seriously overdressed. Not to mention random mid 90s F350s hitting the light poles in the parking lot. Just be sure to not step on a heroin syringe.
If you're going on a test drive in a Jaguar or BMW from the local dealership, make sure the dealer plate is on the back bumper, because local PD will stop you for driving while black. It's a much more serious problem than the drug epidemic that runs rampant.
Lastly, if you intend to drop out of McMichael High School, it's mandatory that you have to have at least 3 kids or 2 and they're a product of incest.
There are two things to do for fun: play everyone's favorite guessing game "meth heads or hillbillies" or join the locals on the football field at McMichael High School with a beer cooler and watch mobile homes go up and down US 220. "Oh shit, here comes a double wide, someone won the lottery!"
A trip to Walmart is a quick reminder that you won the genetic lottery. If you are wearing a collared shirt and decent jeans, I promise you're seriously overdressed. Not to mention random mid 90s F350s hitting the light poles in the parking lot. Just be sure to not step on a heroin syringe.
If you're going on a test drive in a Jaguar or BMW from the local dealership, make sure the dealer plate is on the back bumper, because local PD will stop you for driving while black. It's a much more serious problem than the drug epidemic that runs rampant.
Lastly, if you intend to drop out of McMichael High School, it's mandatory that you have to have at least 3 kids or 2 and they're a product of incest.
Madison/Mayodan, what's the difference? You better watch your mouth boy if you know what's good for you
by Charliefoxtrot15336 October 15, 2019