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1.
The fat bastard who didn't give me a Bumblebee Transformer in 1985, and will die a slow, painful death for being such a lying son of a bitch.
Me: All I want this year is a Bumblebee Transformer.
Santa Claus: Alright, you've got it.

--- Christmas morning 1985 ---
Me: (sobbing) Mommy, I didn't get a Bumblebee Transformer.
Mommy: Santa must not have had enough in stock for all the demand.
Me: (yelling) I don't give a shit, he's a fucking lying fat bastard!

--- Christmas Eve 2010 ---
Santa Claus: What the...? Who are you?
Me: I'm the kid you didn't get off your fat ass to find a Bumblebee Transformer for in 1985.
Santa Claus: I'm sorry.
Me: You will be sorry when I feed you your own nuts! Where's my scissors? And by the way, the Bumblebee Transformer isn't too hard to find now. I've got one right here. Bend over and I'll show it to you.
 
2.
The code name for a pedifile that has cannot be caught because he knows when your awake. Think about it...first he watches children to see if the are being "naughty" or "nice" then on christmas eve he breaks into home in the middle of the night, leaves "presents" for little "boys and girls", eat ALL the cookies and drinks up all the white stuff then leaves with a sadistic "ho ho ho".
kid1* did santa claus come to your house last night?
kid2* i...i don't wanna talk about it *bursts into tears*
by gcgdpunk January 13, 2006
 
3.
A red communist fat ass who doesn't know how to shave and owes me a pogo stick.
Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

Me: There is nothing good about who you are or what you do.
by FuckYouSanta July 18, 2013
 
4.
When a married couple decide to spice up their love-making, they do the Santa Claus. This consists of the man sitting down in a Santa costume while the girl gets butt-sexed. She then proclaims, "I've been a naughty girl." and Santa says "I'm giving you a lump of coal this year." She then yells out "I'll give YOU a lump of coal!" and then proceeds to defecate on his penis.
Jeremy: "Let's spice up our sex life with the Santa Claus."
Korey: "Are you sure? We just ate Taco Bell..."
Jeremy: "Oh shit, let's do it on the tile then."

Keith: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit. It's December 24th"
Vahid: "So what does that mean?"
Keith: "Santa Claus is coming to town tomorrow (winky face)"
by JJ Dahmski November 21, 2010
 
5.
The GREATEST ninja of all time!!!

1. He can't be seen

2. Only a true ninja can break into that many houses, undetected, in one night
3. He taught reindeer to hover and fly, and we all know that, while only superheros and ninja can fly, only a ninja can teach other lifeforms to do it too... that's right, the reindeer had to become ninjas too.
Kid: I'm gonna stay up and try to see Santa Claus :D

Brother: No!!! don't do that!!! I heard, that the reason his suit is red is from the blood of children trying to sneak a peek at him...

Kid: Huh? Santa kills you if you see him?

Brother: He HAS to! It's the code of the ninja! They're not supposed to be seen. You see them; they kill you!

Kid: (Cries)
by Suihime May 18, 2010
 
6.
He's making a list and checking it twice. Apparently, he'll find out who's naughty or nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
by Sir Ryan December 02, 2006
 
7.
A large man in a red suit who hates Jews and all other non-Christians. Santa Clause is a rampant consumerist and breaks into houses for milk and cookies.
That fat-fucker Santa Clause didn't leave me any presents because he is intolerant.
by N. Bading November 19, 2006