"Publix, they told me I would only be hired on as part time and I would have to earn full time employment." "I've worked at Publix for over 10 years and they don't think I'm "worthy" enough for full-time employment... what is full time anyways to them? A promotion?"
by urbansonic June 16, 2015
a corrupt hellhole, that seeks to monopolize the grocery industry with higher than average prices, tyrannical managers, spoiling their customers so badly they bitch if they have to bag a single thing and working poor employees to death with outrageous standards, that make them look like scum if they aren't kissing the very ground on which the customer walks and getting plastic surgery to permanently transfix they're faces into a creepy smile that says "KILL ME!!!". but they're not completely evil, they give their slaves a quarter raise every half a year of back breaking labor if they've sold enough of their soul, they give them humiliatingly gay uniforms that have caused a rise in suicides since 1935 and let them go outside (whether it be pouring rain, hot as hell or colder than the abominable snowman's balls) to help asshole customers put their shit in their cars, which they have magically forgotten the location of, so that they can watch the employee like a hawk, to make sure that they don't try to steal anything, and drive off without so much as any consideration to giving that poor soul in the rearview mirror a single cent for they're help. My single prayer each and every night is that I can escape this shithole I foolishly put myself into 4 years ago, if you have a subservient attitude, lack of all emotions except for happiness and no need for a non-existent discount on their overpriced products then this place is your ideal job, you poor bastard.
satan: "well foolish mortal for your sins I've thought of the most evil and cruel punishment possible."
sinner: "your going to make me burn in a lake of fire, while having a pitchfork shoved up my ass for all eternity?"
satan: "no, your going to work at publix for the next 24 hours, HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"
sinner: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, PLEASE CHOP MY BALLS OFF AND FEED IT TO DOGS, HAVE A GIANT RAPE ME FOR 7 YEARS, BUT NOT THAT!!!!!!!"
satan: "oh stop whining, here's your free stock"
sinner: "oh, well that sounds good"
satan: "it's completely worthless"
sinner: "NOOOO!!!"
satan: "also you get benefits"
sinner: "well..."
satan: "you have to work for 5 years to get anything"
sinner: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
satan: "well have a good day at work, OH! and here's your uniform"
sinner: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sinner: "your going to make me burn in a lake of fire, while having a pitchfork shoved up my ass for all eternity?"
satan: "no, your going to work at publix for the next 24 hours, HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"
sinner: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, PLEASE CHOP MY BALLS OFF AND FEED IT TO DOGS, HAVE A GIANT RAPE ME FOR 7 YEARS, BUT NOT THAT!!!!!!!"
satan: "oh stop whining, here's your free stock"
sinner: "oh, well that sounds good"
satan: "it's completely worthless"
sinner: "NOOOO!!!"
satan: "also you get benefits"
sinner: "well..."
satan: "you have to work for 5 years to get anything"
sinner: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
satan: "well have a good day at work, OH! and here's your uniform"
sinner: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by torturedsoul#1 August 8, 2010
by herndonium September 15, 2020
A grocery store that claims shopping there is a pleasure. It might be, if they weren't so expensive!
by ilovelisa December 27, 2006
A Supermarket. In reality, a place where lazy, greedy, and incompetent management work off the backs of brow-beaten, overworked, and underpaid associates who are just trying to get through college.
While you're out in the hot sun grabbing carts while trying not to be killed by pampered customers driving luxury cars, your many managers will be found in their air-conditioned back offices talking to other managers about their weekend at the country club, dreaming about how much money will be in their bi-annual/quarterly dividend checks, or pondering whether their six-figure income for this year will be larger than the last.
While you're out in the hot sun grabbing carts while trying not to be killed by pampered customers driving luxury cars, your many managers will be found in their air-conditioned back offices talking to other managers about their weekend at the country club, dreaming about how much money will be in their bi-annual/quarterly dividend checks, or pondering whether their six-figure income for this year will be larger than the last.
Fuck Publix.
by DangerouslyCheesy July 16, 2015
n. (PUH-blicks) An American grocery store chain focused on exemplary customer service and associate ownership. Originally founded in Florida by George Jenkins on the key concept that any act of kindness short of allowing oneself to be anally raped is a model of customer service and is the key to success. Similar to another Florida establishment, Disney World, the customers must always retain their pretentiousness and be falsely immersed in a "fantasy land" where everyone smiles and nobody has ever experienced pain in their lives. Failure to retain the "fantasy land" atmosphere results in immediate termination of the associate's employment, thereby disregarding the toil and effort placed into the company, and forcing said employee to begin anew with time and money wasted on a Ponzi-like stock plan. Publix is responsible for the coddling of the American public, as higher-than-standard expectations are maintained at all times, and the customers are always served beyond expectations. It is grounded in the cornerstone philosophy that the smile of one greedy, witless customer is worth more value than all of the lives of all the associates within the store.
John went to the local Publix to get a full refund on an empty rotisserie bag from two weeks ago because Publix policy states that they cannot refuse it. Now, James in the deli department will lose his job.
by atlantafantabanta December 29, 2016
At Publix, we make sure that our associates will give up everything short of their lives to make life for a single customer a better one.
by Ho-Town July 9, 2005