Why Myspace Sucks and So Do You:

1) Cool New People - No. These schmucks are not "Cool." The fact that they are the first thing you see when you log on is a fucking travesty. Why anyone would label these folks "Cool" is beyond our comprehension. At this point we wanted to turn back, but we forged on through the terror in the name of science.

2) Your Goddamn Pictures - "Hay guyz i hav this gr8 idea i think i shud take a pikkchur of myself in da mirrur holding teh camerah at a weiurd angle isnt that original guyz? Am i rite?" Believe it or not, we've caught on to your little tricks. We know that you are fat, ugly, have one eye, and shitty skin, and the crappy emo picture isn't fooling anybody. If you have the inclination to be really artsy, alternative, and original, and if you feel that taking a photo of yourself in the bathroom mirror is the way to do it, at least have the decency to wipe your dried jizz off the mirror. Oh but wait, there in the "View more pics" section you have those cute pictures of you and your buddies with beer in your hand. OMG GUYZ ITS BEER AND WE'RE LIKE 2TALLY UNDERAGE HOW BADASS ARE WE. Grow the fuck up, no one cares. And then you selfish bastards crop your friends out of the pictures so we all know who the attention whore is. We can clearly see their shoulder floating next to you.

3) About Me - Chances are no one comes to your MySpace to learn about how you "dont hav much 2 say" about yourself. These over-glorified AIM profiles contain some of the most useless crap ever to bombard our eyes. If you feel it is appropriate to contribute any information to this section, you're wrong. Save everyone the trouble of reading about your generic, pointless life and do something more productive. Like getting hit by a bus.

4) Friends - This monstrosity of a feature is used for two things:
a. Listing and cataloguing your already existing friends, as to create such riveting conversations like, "Hay why haven't you added me yet?" These conversations don't limit themselves to the internet either, people actually talk about this shit in real life. There is something inherently sad about that.
-Or-
b. Meeting random people to list as your "Friends." For fuck's sake, do you really need the internet to meet people? Especially those with a name like xXforbidDEn___aDdictionXx? There's a reason these people are on the internet and not hanging out with all the kewl friends that they have.

Maybe we're missing something, but is there actually a point to leaving a Comment on someone's page saying "ooo great site keep it up!"? And no, the fact that you've added infinite smilies or a lame animated gif saying something to the effect of "KEEP ON TRUCKIN" doesn't make it any better. The worst part is that this useless banter can go on for pages. We don't need to hear about that great party last weekend. Or how you have this really unsightly rash. There are other forms of communication for that. Forms of communication such as THE PHONE or INSTANT MESSENGER or ANYTHING WHERE YOUR CONVERSATION IS NOT MADE PUBLIC. Frankly, you disgust us.

5) Music - This is the section* where you feel the need to either tell us that you like to listen to "whatevers on tha radio" (Hinting that you are a complete douche lacking any personality at all. But we pretty much knew that already, seeing as you have a MySpace) or try to impress people with your vast list of bands that no one has ever heard of. And then someone came up with the brilliant idea to put music videos in the music section! Thanks buddy, I was really looking forward to spending 15 minutes waiting for your Snoop Dogg video to load so i could have those beats drilled into my head while browsing for things to make fun of you about. And if that's the best picture of yourself you can find, I pity you. Next time don't get hit in the face with a shovel.

* Having 3 generic songs from some crappy band in tight girl jeans and titling it "MySpace Music" does not redeem this category at all. Don't even try it. Oh, and as if it wasn't bad enough already, there are "MySpace Music" concerts being organized right now. If there is any indication of the lameness that is MySpace, you need not look any further than its creator.

6) Tom - How does a lonely, single nerd become the antichrist of the internet? He creates a worldwide network for people just like him, with no friends, and automatically puts himself on everyone's "friends" section. Now, we're by no stretch of the imagination saying it would be acceptable, but it would be understandable if he did this on the side. However, it's pretty certain that MySpace is the extent of his sad pathetic life. When you start throwing parties in the name of the most unholy creation of all time, it's pretty safe to say your life peaked in 6th grade when that girl asked you to the dance as a joke. He is responsible for the thousands of obscenely lame people thinking that they are awesome and popular just because they have a MySpace.

7) Having Celebrities and Porn Stars As Your Friends - Now, it was much debated whether or not to put this in the Friends section, but the final decision was that this abomination deserved its own. We already know of your sad state purely by the fact that you have a MySpace, but if you're pitiful enough to go and add some well-known douchebag to your list of "friends" then you should stop reading this right now. There is no hope for you. Honestly. Could you possibly be dumb enough to really think that this is funny? Or is it even worse, and you actually believe that Paris Hilton has a MySpace? Nice going dumbass, because not only can Paris Hilton read, she also needs the internet to meet people. And by the way, you're not fooling anybody into thinking that you and all those "tootally hawt bikini babez" on your friends list go out and paint the town red on Friday nights.

After all this research, you'd think that we would have found a slight glimmer of appeal in the abyss that is MySpace. We did not. MySpace represents all that is evil and corrupt in this world, and it baffles us why you all have this "omg addiction" to it. We hate MySpace with a firey passion, and are in full approval of a support group for each and every MySpace member. And by support group, we mean chainsaw to the face.
Myspace in it's entirety sucks asshole
by Boon McBoon climbs a shroom April 24, 2006

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351
the biggest waste of time ever
everyone i know has a myspace. they all need to burn in hell
by SceneHater October 19, 2006

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352
myspace.
hhmmm..
its extremely addictive..
comments are crack..
picture comments make you all like "omigosh!! some one commented my picture!! omg! i have to see what they said..." or all shy like "oh god. here we go.. people comenting me calling me ugly.."
messages.. you probobly have pages and pages of mesages...like me ha!
and everything else makes you wonder who was on your page...
and when it goes down you get REALLY mad... and start complain if your really addicted...like me...sadly..but then i go to my xanga
and the fact that your addicted makes you want to buy the shirts that say "you looked cuter on my space", "dont i know you from my space" and "my space ruined my life"haha i got tht one
my space is the numbrr one place to fall in luv. thats ware half our relationships are based.
yeahhh
myspace makes u wana go on it 24/7 and infact im on it rite now bizotch.
mm...well.....yeah..thts my space...
on the fone.

friend:you wana hang out today?
u:nahh not today man...i gota be a myspace whore today.
friend:u ass hole.
u:.......alrite
friend: -hangs up fone-
by yo. its leesha August 22, 2006

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353
Myspace.com is a fun, social networking site that lets you talk to friends, post pictures and blogs, and design a profile of your self using HTML. This site is fun and is a great place to make friends, learn HTML, listen to music, promote a band, and mostly, keep in touch with friends.

However, people think that it is smart and cleaver to completely hate and over-stereotype myspace. To them, if you have a myspace you are "emo", take slutty half nude pictures, try to get tons of friends to look cool, and whore your self in attempt to get more friends/comments. This is true sometimes but a lot of people on it really don't do those things and like to talk to their real friends.

Yes, it can be annoying at times to see all of the slutty pics and whoring bulletins, but it is worth it to keep in touch with friends and is a heck of a lot faster than snail mail. And if you DO have over a hundred friends and a well designed page, it does not mean that you know none of those people and just want to look cool.

And for the people that think myspace is full of perverts and stalkers, thats only a problem if you are dumb and provide your phone number ON your profile or respond to any messages from 40 year old men in a different states saying, "Hey your hot, want to chat?".

Overall, myspace is a great site that gets shadowed way too much by stereotyping and bad stories on the news. Myspace is a great place and is very fun but if you have bad things to say about it or hate it, DON'T GET A FREAKING MYSPACE! It's that simple!
Person: Hey, do you have a myspace?
Me: Yeah.
Person: EEEEW MYSPACE NERD!!! GO CUT YOURSELF EMO FAG!!!!!
Me: (whips out shotgun)
by Stephen June 16, 2006

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354
1)A website where goth kids talk about their problems and make fantasies about meeting someone
2) A site where a 75 year old male can look at picture of younger kids and hopefully "meet" them at an "arcade"
ONE DAY: hey look there are kids from myspace O GOODNESS they are cutting themselves!
NEXT DAY: Whered those kids from myspace go? Oh, thats right they are at the bottom of the river...shame.
by Jesus Chris aka the docta June 07, 2005

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355
The stupidest thing on the iternet where all these emo fags post pictures to make them feel different while they are all the same
Hey, i love emo music and i want to kill myself, of course i have a myspace.
by Alex March 10, 2005

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356
WHat was once a small community of people who could hang out and socialise but is now the domain of emo attention whores and pedophiles. If you ever attempt to tell any user of MySPace the truth of the site the response if them getting bitchy/slapping you in the face/ going "ZOMG WAHH! YOu MAKA FUN AMAH FEELEN!"/ IM EMO YOU BASTARD! //WRIST//
I touched little girls by abducting them from myspace then I cut my wrist!
by Erik Ehlert January 08, 2008

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357
a website where most people spend there usless time.
they get excited over new comments, and new picture comments, messages and friend requests.
well i knoq i sure do.
i so am gonna go check my myspace. omg look new comments!
by Alex Tunnell January 03, 2007

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