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cold lotion

Coined by comedian Bill Burr and his girlfriend Nia Hill (aka the "Lovely Nia") and shared with his legions of fans via the Monday Morning Podcast.

Refers to something that should be good but ends up being bad. Originated when Bill was about to give Nia a back massage (good) but didn't rub his hands to warm up the lotion which resulted in Nia getting shocked by the sensation his cold freckle-marked hands on her warm skin (bad). Should be said like an African American pimp stereotype from the 1970s.
Person one - "I got a raise a few weeks ago and finally got my pay check. Turns out I was bumped into a higher tax bracket and I now net less than before."

Person two - "Shiiiiiiit bro, that be some cold lotion!"

-------

Person one - "I finally got a date with Margret. Afterwards we went back to my place to fuck but when I took off her shirt she had the worst banana tits ever. I couldn't get it up."

Person two - "Ooooooo that is some cold lotion son!"
cold lotion by HabsRule June 9, 2013

Lotioning 

“Bro I was lotioning a sweet one earlier”
“You’re always on call trying to lotion tings....”
Lotioning by Trinzico March 13, 2021

Spreading the lotion 

4-0 up! We’re now spreading the lotion.

Damn, that’s a hat trick by Occle, he’s spreading the lotion.

No way coming back from this now, the lotion has been spread.
Spreading the lotion by QTip57 March 7, 2020

Jerkin's Lotion 

Street name for Jergen's Lotion, famous for it's cock lubing masterbational qualities.
PETER: Hey, Bobby, how's it goin'?

BOBBY: Great, but I was just getting ready to leave to go shopping.

PETER: Oh man, I HATE shopping!

BOBBY: Oh, come on, I won't take that long; I'm just getting the basics -- milk, cereal, beer and Jerkin's Lotion.

im out here stroking my dick i got lotion on my dick 

audio message sent to some random user on instagram around 2018 - 2019 by rapper Stunna Boy Get Em. this was and still is used in meme edits

this isn't the first time he's said something like this either.
stunna boy get em: im out here stroking my dick i got lotion on my dick

people: is he the next big thing out of chicago!?!?

Moldovan Back Lotion 

When a guy jizzes on a girl's back and then rubs it in with his hands.
"I gave her a Moldovan Back Lotion last night."

"He gave me a Moldovan Back Lotion last night. I tried to ask what the hell he was doing, but all he said was, 'CH!'"