Top Definition
A man who can do more with one testicle than most could do with a pair.
Lance Armstrong rides his bike fast. With one testicle.
by captain kirks number 2 bowl October 12, 2005

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A(person) lying, cheating, piece of human excrement.
Man that guy cheated on my baby sister and then cleaned out her bank account too. All the while she was pregnant with his kid. He is such a fucking Lance Armstrong
by Mike Zo January 15, 2013

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A great but overrated cyclist. Seven Time winner of the Tour De France. Often called the greatest cyclist ever by passive American cycling fans that have never heard of Eddy Merckx, Bernard Hinault, Fausto Coppi or Miguel Indurain. Merckx and many others went on to race in hundreds of races while Armstrong focused on the Tour. His only other races were often training for the Tour at Tour de Georgia or Dauphiné Libéré. Merckx raced every race to win. Lance often was just training for the tour and along with his contemporaries would not take the risk seen in the Coppi-Merckx Era.
LA Fan: Lance Armstrong is the greatest cyclist ever!

Reality: No way dude. Eddy Merckx or Coppi.

LA fan. Who? you're crazy!

Facts: Merckx! Cycling was around before 1999. Merckx won 525 races and won the Giro D' Italia and Tour de France five times. Lance only talked about racing the Giro. Never even showed and has never ridden in most of the Classics like Paris-Roubaix which Merckx won three times. Also never attempted the Hour Record as he hinted on for years. A record for which Merckx is the standard.

LA fan: But Lance won the Tour De Georgia.

Reality: Dumbass!

by Paris-Roubaix January 27, 2008

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When a girl gives a guy head when she has plutonium in her mouth.
Man, I wish I didn't have to go in for this ball surgery tomorrow. Damn hooker tricked me and gave me a Lance Armstrong!
by Joshe December 01, 2006

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See cheat.
Lance Armstrong is a cheat.
by billthecat January 21, 2013

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When knowingly guilty of something, repeatedly deny vehemently to the point of playing the ethical or moral card.
Before finally admitting to PED use, former cycling champion Lance Armstrong said the following:

1. "We are completely innocent. We run a very clean and professional team that has been singled out due to our success"

2. "The simple truth is that we outwork everyone. But when you perform at a higher level in a race, you get questions about doping."

Major League Baseball player Ryan Braun, before finally admitting to "making mistakes" took it to a new level with some of his quotes:

1. "When you know you're innocent of something, it's extremely difficult to have to prove it when you're in a process where you're 100 percent guilty until proven innocent."

2. "I have always taken tremendous pride in my image and my reputation and being a role model and handling myself the right way and doing things the right way."
by fooloof July 23, 2013

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Lance Armstrong

Ever get a bag of shelled peanuts and you pull one out of the bag and it looks normal but then you crack it open and there's only 1 nut on the inside? That's a Lance Armstrong.
I'm still hungry for nuts. This bag is full of Lance Armstrongs.
by thiisnotmyrealname January 29, 2015

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