Quite possibly the most terrible genre of music on Earth, excluding gospel. Hair metal usually features band members dressed as homosexuals, annoying shrill vocals, and downright stupid lyrics.
Hey, do you listen to hair metal?

No dude, I'm not a shithead.
by LiamShart December 20, 2006
A form of 80's teenybopper music made primarily by effeminate men wearing makeup and dressed like women, with stereotypical 80's big hair. After an initial wave of it fizzled out in 1987, it resurfaced just a couple of years later with a short-lived new breed of even lamer bands. Success in hair metal was primarily achieved through placing primary importance on the ability to pose for the camera, and comprising your band with simpletons with little or no musical ability, much less creativity. Once the formula was in place, it was just a matter of finding gullible losers to buy into the swindle. MTV, which started out as a music television channel, obliged, making this subgenre of wimp rock popular at the time. Perhaps the most enjoyable aspect of hair metal was it's juvenile lyrics. Never intentionally bad, the lyrical wasteland was a direct result of the limited intellectual capacities of the band members.
Hair metal was made popular by bands like Poison, Warrant, Winger, Slaughter, White Lion, Trixter, Skid Row, Motley Crue, Kix, and the Bulletboys.
by Axl Gump November 03, 2006
Gay,horrible music.
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The only redeeming thing about it was the guitar solo because that's when the terrible singing stopped for a little while.
-
Started in LA by men with mullets who were only in it for the groupies,alcohol,meth and cocaine.
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The men were all cross-dressers and resembled and took on the characteristics of their groupies to the point where other bands who were looking for groupies to fuck often mistook a band of hair metallers for a sixpack of groupie whores.
Beavis: whoa these chicks are hot
Butthead: are these chicks or dudes?
Beavis: whoa,I don't know
Butthead: well they better be chicks dammit because they're giving me a woody
::::
Example doesn't use the word hair metal. Use the word in a sentence.
by FUCK METAL October 09, 2005
Music made by and for the hypocritical , full-of-shit , "happy-go-lucky" selfish assholes that modern society breeds. Isn't it funny how the majority of everyone of Hair-"Metal"'s supporters here could not go about defining it without making some sort of crude comment regarding grunge ? This "music" is what often gives "metal" a bad name making people associate it with "badassery" , being total assholes, caring only for themselves and their family/friends (which in my opinion is no different than caring for oneself),those who are violent for boastful intents, and sheer idiocy. This music truly is all about the beer/action/bitches regardless of whether that is the stereotype applied to it. It gives bad names to Thrash metal , and generally listeners of this genre brand other subcategories of metal such as Death "psychotic" , "twisted and sadistic" or something of that nature , when they cannot see that their own lifestyles based solely on greed and personal acquisition/gain are a twisted form of apathetic...bitchiness. Those who "live" by the hair metal code can go fuck their ego-inflated avarice-ridden bloated asses on a plate of scorching coals.
Hair Metal guy:Hey punk, what you tryin to pull with my woman ?
Person who bumped into girl on accident: Sorry, It was an accident =/.
Hair Metal guy: You layin your hand on my woman ! I'm gonna kick your ass !!!
Person : Dude it was an accident...sorry.
Hair Metal guy : (starts beating on person for no apparent reason)
Karma : * Hair metal jerkoff is engulfed in flames and slowly and painfully burns to death while razor-sharp rapiers slowly tear through his weak flesh as a gigantic hand crushes his thick skull*
Person: haha , fucker.
Karma : ^_^. Kthxbai.
by ThrasherZero December 30, 2004
A genre of metal/rock/pop which was popular in the 80's. Composed of skeezy, animal-print-clad men with big hair and armadillos stuffed in their pants. The lyrics contain various combinations of "rock", "babe", "tonite", "love" and bringin' various things to you all night long. Somehow still manages to attract a lot of hate despite that it hasn't been relevant or popular since 1990. More fun and addictive than your average metal snob will care to admit. Contrary to popular belief, some hair bands do, indeed, suck less than others.
"Dude, I went to this awesome hair metal concert last night! Dokken and Quiet Riot were playing!"

"Those bands still exist? Damn."
by StupidBunny December 02, 2013
A type of anti-music that became popular in the 1980's and officially died in 1991.

Typical characteristics:

*Women's makeup worn on faces

*Tight, colorful clothing

*Loud, repetive drumbeats

*Guitar has a whiny sound

*High-pitched vocals

*Extreme emphasis on appearance

*Meaningless lyrics about alcoholism, promiscuity, and occasionally substance abuse.

Hair metal is essentially reinvented pop. Whereas metal in the 1960's and 1970's was about various subjects such as politics or personal experiences, hair metal was about hedonism. Hair Metal was the spearhead of teenybopper movement, which was at it's strongest during the 1980's. Were it not for MTV and a legion of gullable fans, hair metal would have never grown into the music-destroying fungus that gave metal a bad name. As it became more synonymous with metal, true metal musicians founded what became known as the trash metal movement, which was shot down in it's initial stages and would re-merge after the death of grunge, which in of itself was a stab at hair metal.
Hair metal is an easy target for anyone with homophobia. Ironically, fans of hair metal are unable to criticize grunge without calling it homosexual.
by SonicSucks October 17, 2009
The worst "music" ever created. Loved by wannabe badasses, groupies, fashion queers, frat boys, pop culture whores, corporate fucks and other lame deluded morons with no sense of musical talent. People associated with Hair Metal love to blame it's demise on Alternative Rock music(also known as REAL rock music, for you dumbasses.) But in reality, hair metal demised because people were sick of how artificial it was. It was pop based metal, for fucks sake. It wasn't killed by the rise of grunge. It wasn't even killed by thrash metal. How was it killed? People just got sick of the same shit that Hair Metal spewed out. Cheesy love songs made no other than to sellout and get into women's pants. Seriously, you all make me sick. Atleast Alternative Rock's lyrics actually have meaning.
Here is proof Hair Metal sucks and has no meaningful lyrics:

For Hair Metal, we have Warrant's lyrics to "Cherry Pie". Lets see how "meaningful" their lyrics are compared to Alternative Rock:

"She's my cherry pie
Cool drink of water
Such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good
Make a grown man cry
Sweet Cherry Pie
Yeah"

Now for Alternative, we have Alice in Chains' lyrics to "Sunshine". Lets see how meaningful their lyrics are compared to Hair Metal:

"Sunshine...sweet love my labor
Don't mind...I don't care no more

Memory, set me free, yeah
I don't care no more
Mother please, come for me

Can you face the question?
Is my soul entire?

Sunshine...sweet love my labor
Don't mind...I don't care no more"

Which lyrics have more meaning? It should be obvious that Alice in Chains' lyrics are more meaningful and kill Warrant's.

Now, let's have another test to let me confirmed that hair metal is artificial.

This is Motley Crue's "Girls Girls Girls" lets see how "meaningful" the lyrics are:

"Girls, Girls, Girls
At the Dollhouse in Ft. Lauderdale
Girls, Girls. Girls
Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails
Girls, Girls, Girls
Raising Hell at the 7th Veil Have you read the news
In the Soho Tribune
Ya know she did me
Well then she broke my heart"

Now we have Smashing Pumpkins' "Today", lets see how meaningful the lyrics are:

"Pink ribbon scars
That never forget
I've tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings
Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings"

Obviously "Today" takes the reward. Who in the hell finds "Girls, Girls, Girls" meaningful?? Hair Metal was crap, so move on.
by Someone who knows his shit September 25, 2006

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