Grand Haven

A beach on the Lake Michigan shores of Ottawa County, Michigan. A highly overrated litter box that sees about a couple thousand mindless sheep per day during the summer months. Mainly retarded teenagers and college students; everyone goes there for the sole purpose of drinking till they wet themselves. Packs of choch monsters comb the beach looking for the most clueless whore they can attempt to gang rape. The shit soup water is mildly radioactive and makes a slap in the dick sound more appealing than getting in. Fortunately, natural selection picks-off a few of the brain damaged neanderthals that jump off the pier each year.

Bro one: "Let's go to Grand Haven today!"

Bro two: "Hell yeah, I could use some hepatitis!"

Clueless idiot: "Man my dick has been itching ever since I went to Grand Haven."

Not a clueless idiot: "Did you get in the water?"

Clueless idiot: "Yeah, why?"

Not a clueless idiot: "You're going to die."

Dumb twat: "I met this group of guys at the beach the other day and I've been talking to this one on the phone a lot and he wants me to hangout, but all his friends are going to be there too."

Dumb twat's friend: "Bring extra lube."

Grand Haven by commandercrook October 21, 2013

grandparentage 

A test to determine a link with Grandparentage relationship between a grandparent and grandchild. As in to determine a DNA relationship.

Mrs. Phillips did a "grandparentage" test to determine if her grandchild was indeed hers after her son, the father of her child had died and no paternity test was possible.

grandparentage by DNAGuy April 16, 2019

Grandparents 

Your parents parents, usually old. You may not want to visit them now, but when they open up, you will hear well-spun stories of their "glory days". And if you are lucky you will hear stories of their many diffrent conquests, being either drugs or boyfriends/girlfriends. War stories are a popular and exiting one. Maybe their immagration from a diffrent country in times of need. They will enjoy talking to their grandchildren, offering advice or just being in your presence. Enjoy them while they last, they are not here for ever.

Grandpa: "I remember when I was 22 and me and my friend bought some LSD and went train-hopping around Canada"

Grandchild: "really?"

Grandma: "Oh william! don't give bobby any ideas!"

Grandpa: *laughing* "but they were the best times of my life"

grandson: *thinking* 'I can't wait to tell my kids funny stories of drugs, drinking, and women!'
long live grandparents!

Grandparents by miklus June 11, 2006

Genealogy Grandparents 

Grandparents who repeatedly inform their grandchildren, and their friends about their lineage.

Genealogy Grandparents will tell the cashier at Linens 'n Things that their lineage can be traced back to Charlemagne

Genealogy Grandparents by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic August 4, 2004

Grandparents 

Humans who have an excessive amount of vanilla scented candles in their homestead

"Do you have a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"Nah girl, these are just the vanilla scented candles my grandparents gave me."

Grandparents by Mynameisjim July 6, 2016

Grandparent

The greatest source of wisdom and advice next to the bible

I wish i would've taken advantage of my grandparent

Grandparent by Sexiest July 18, 2011

texas grandparent 

Someone who is expendable in a crisis, who can be sacrificed for the greater good. Based on the request from Texas Republicans to let old people die, during the 2020 COVID-19 crisis, so young people can go back to work.

“If we have an apocalypse, I’m throwing you to the zombies like a Texas grandparent.”

texas grandparent by giraffe-o March 25, 2020