goth detectives 

The mystery adventures of goths Bob Skeleton and Macabre de Coiffure (As played by Noel Fielding and Russell Brand). When the theme tune starts they run out of their coffins... weeelll not run, more like saunter. Goths don't run.

"The goth detectives can get the job done in 48 hours!"
"We could get it done quicker, if we weren't so bloody miserable!"

goth detectives by Naboo That's Who June 12, 2008

Toilet Detectives

Girls usually found in pairs frequenting bar/clubs toilets with an aim to find gossip. Will find unlikely victims, possibly in a state of intoxication to spill their inner most secrets/problems/issues to the Detectives and will then become part of a memorable night out. Occasionally Toilet Detectives will be armed with CSI style tape for comedy purposes and generally find other police-like memorabilia such as truncheons and hats.

Toilet detective 1: Wow, that's a pretty skirt.
Victim: Thanks (proceeds to look sad) my boyfriend gave it to me
Toilet detective 2: oh that was nice of him
Victim: not really, he's CHEATING on me!!! (breaks down into tears)
Toilet detectives: why don't you tell us about it.....gossip ensues.

Toilet Detectives by the purple panda March 9, 2008

Cretin Detectives 

A syndicate of special agents trained in the art of discovering what is known in the trade as "cretin on cretin love". This is when 2 (or more) lowly delinquents form a relationship based on deceit, only to be discovered and uncovered by the Cretin Detectives. After this relationship is unearthed the detectives are then obliged to bring this matter to the attention of anyone who will listen, causing unknown harm and humiliation to one or more of the Cretins.
Ways in which this can be done:
* Large posters in in highly populated areas.
* Telling family members anonymously.
* Flyer campaigns within large events such as fun fairs and children's game shows.
* Bringing to the attention of your flat mates a carefully placed mirror under a door.
... This will result in maximum circulation.

2 (or more) lowly delinquents form a relationship based on the premise that one of them will become bi-sexual and the other in order to hide this will have sexual relations with anyone that looks their way (or not), this includes: driving instructors; ex-boyfriends; ex-boyfriends of best friends; ex friends of boyfriends; friends from the past; friends from the present; and strangers who are friends you haven't met yet.
Eg. "Omgosh, those guys were so caught out by the cretin detectives!"

Cretin Detectives by Jude Clipsom and Katie Halstead June 19, 2008

Dick Detectives 

The breed of men who like to investigate meat and two veg.
Most famous of these being Cock Columbo.

I have to make sure there are no Dick Detectives operating before I take a squirt.

Dick Detectives by B-Neutron September 11, 2006

Present Detectives

When the kids are spending more time than usual in the living room around the christmas tree looking and waiting for the adults to leave so they can check out the presents that are theirs and guess what they got .

Wife-Where are the Present Detectives?

Husband-They are next to the tree checking all the wraping to make sure nobody peeked!

Present Detectives by troubledemon December 23, 2009

Occult Detectives Are The Film And Psychology Skill Called Philosophy 

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😱: Occult Detectives Are The Film And Psychology Skill Called Philosophy

Occult Detectives Are The Film And Psychology Skill Called Philosophy by Maternal-Fetal-Medicine February 14, 2025

Private detective 

Junior grimes, or atleast what people refer to you as if you take illegal measures and unconventional means to accomplish a task such as cracking a case on infidelity or murder, it’s a reference the well known private detective known as “gumshoe grimes” what the papers call junior grimes as he stuck to people when working cases.

someone who follows others and gather information on order to solve a case or situation which demands the investigators (junior) help is what a PI pretty much is...

Junior grimes however, takes this a STEP FURTHER though even that’s a major understatement. young and full of anger, he’s not exactly the calmest of detectives and uses what ever means necessary to solve the task even if it means sacrificing his own chance at a happy life and those around him for there’s no rest for grimes as the world needs him when any case goes unsolved.

Junior grimes aka “June wick” or “darnell grimes”

Private investigator give itself a good name when junior grimes matches with it.

Figure out what that means

“there’s no one that solves crimes like grimes”

___

Woman 1: omg my sisters missing

Woman 2: wait I know who to call

Woman 1: you do?

Junior grimes: what seems to be the problem?

Woman 1: it’s my sister!

Junior grimes: not to worry, for no one better to call then mr grimes!

Woman 2: see? I told you, he’s the best

Woman 1: wow

___

Junior grimes is the greatest private detective OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

Private detective by Assassin technical institute September 6, 2021