2 be or not 2 be? that is the question. the answer? chuck norris

whats the meaning of life? chuck norris

when the dinosaurs became extinct it wasnt because of a meteorite, it was because of chuck norris

one time adam and eve had a party in the garden of eden. they failed to invite chuck norris so he roundhouse kicked them out of the garden and shoved an apple down adams throat, which created the adams apple

the united states could save billions in defense funding if they trade the military for chuck norris

chuck norris invented fire when he was staring at a piece of log and laser beams shot from his eyes

chuck norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with laser beams from his eyes

chuck norris does not get frostbite. chuck norris bites frost
science fact: roundhouse kicks r comprised primarily of an element called chucktanium

Chuck Norris + Roundhouse Kick - Bruce Lee = Jackie Chan & Jet Li

once chuck norris played the best poker player in the world. he won using his laser vision to burn the other mans cards

chuck norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf

chuck norris puts the ass in assassinate. by this i mean he roundhouse kicks ur ass

when arnold says the line "i'll be back" in the first terminator movie it is implied that is he going 2 ask chuck norris for help in the sequels

the first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets chuck norris

the movie kill bill is actually a childhood biography of chuck norris

when chuck norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, hes pushing the earth down

when chuck norris jumps into a pool, he dosent get wet, the pool gets chuck norrised

one time a man asked chuck norris for directions. to make his point, he grabbed another man, and ripped out his heart, painted n,s,e,w in their directions with the blood, jabbed a magnet down the mans throat, put him on the ground and spun him.

chuck norris once worked as a weatherman for the san diego evening news. every night he would make the same forecast: partly cloudy with a 75% chance of pain

chuck norris doesnt daydream. he's too busy giving other people nightmares

the word kill was invented by chuck norris. other words were die, beer, and please

chuck norris went to america before christopher columbus, but after roundhouse kicking all the natives, he got bored and retired to anarctica

if u ask chuck norris what time it is, he always says, two seconds til. after u ask, two seconds til what? he roundhouse kicks u in the face
the only creature to ever have defeated chuck norris is curious george, not because he was strong, but was too cute
by aznguy November 25, 2006
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American martial artist, action star, and Hollywood actor who is best known for playing Cordell "Cord" Walker on Walker, Texas Ranger. Also an extremely overrated icon that has no real talent save for the ability to kick a 2X4. He is an extremely closeminded Fundamentalist Christian that tried to have the bible used as mandatory reading material in public schools. His recent popularity is the result of a website created that listed exaggerated claims about Chuck Norris' strength and intellect. In reality he is a washed up loser that can be seen acting horribly on Walker, Texas Ranger or on late night excercise equipment informercials.
"Chuck Norris is a total doucheball!!"

"Who gives a shit about Chuck Norris?"

"Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home."
by Oliofreak March 28, 2008
A less than hardcore actor who once starred in such shitty films as Sidekicks, Invasion USA and Missing in Action. He is most know for his ridiculous display of round house kicks and poor dialogue on the show Walker Texas Ranger.
>or<
A washed up actor who got his second wind based upon a very large list of (at one time) humorous jokes and facts(If you will) about him, that after being repeated from here to Nantucket far too many times, became old and played out and down right NOT FUNNY ANYMORE
Chuck Norris' tears cur-- oh wait, you've heard this one before? Yeah me too about a million times...
by Pamanda February 25, 2006
Some old dude. He sucks. aka Chuck Whoris.
I kicked Chuck Norris down the stairs and he broke a hip. Then, I beat him with his cane.
by Alyssa yo February 13, 2006
Texas Ranger who likes to pimp his home gym thingy. Throw him into any sentence involving celebrities and the sentence is instantly funny.
The best actors in the world are Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, and Chuck Norris.
by Friend with benefits May 09, 2005
One of the most overrated jerks to ever be loved by adolescents.

A third-rate martial artist (who was destroyed by Bruce Lee), Christian fundamentalist (wishes to have America become a puritanical christian theocracy), raging conservative, Total Gym spokesman, annoying white guy, and part of Sarah Palin's "real America".

Having been in plenty of movies (usually fighting red people, brown people, or yellow people) that have gained popularity amongst American youth, Chuck Norris was recently treated to a mock-godhood in the form of jokes. Being more commonly associated now with "pushing the earth down when doing push-ups" than his christian fundamentalism, Norris has been able to avoid falling into obscurity. Mike Huckabee, in an attempt to attract a younger, keener group of conservatives in his presidential bid, enlisted Chuck Norris in an ad campaign. Lacking any political substance, Huckabee would sit next to Chuck, raddle off a few Chuck jokes, broken up by Chuck Norris raddling off the old fashioned conservative campaign rhetoric, and ending with Chuck punching the air and saying "Chuck Norris Approved!" Huckabee lost steam early in the campaign, and Norris latched himself to McCain.

Norris has also worked with his wife to advertise efforts to begin teaching the bible in public schools across America. Believing that America is founded upon "Christian principles", he seems to have no problem reaching the conclusion that we should therefore essentially abandon democracy in every way but name and become a theocracy, with christian leaders, christian populace, and the bible as soul judgement of how to run the country. It is unknown, but doubtful, that Norris has read the entire bible.

Final note: His popularity has become so great amongst adolescent males and their middle-aged male teachers, that anyone who attempts to criticize him is bound for an ass-whooping (as I am sure to get after sending this in).
The Chuck Norris jokes I was bombarded with at school became so frustrating, I eventually launched a worldwide anti-Chuck Norris propoganda campaign.
by The Slime June 27, 2009
1) A guy who everybody thinks is badass but is in reality a total pansy.

2) Despite being a big, burly guy, but killed by the comparatively scrawny Bruce Lee

3) Thinks that Barack Obama is not eligible to be President because he wasn't born in the U.S., despite the fact that thorough investigations have proven otherwise and that his mother was a U.S. citizen, making Obama a U.S. citizen by birth.

4) Endorsed Mike Huckabee, aka the GOP's answer to Jimmy Carter for President in '08
1) Joe: Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Bob: You're wrong on both counts.

2) Bruce Lee: I KILL CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3) Chuck Norris: Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and therefore can't be president.

Constitutional Expert: Contrary to popular belief, one doesn't have to be born in the United States to be eligible for the Presidency, only a citizen by birth. Even if he was born in Kenya, his mother was a U.S. citizen, making him one by birth.

4) Chuck Norris: Hi I'm Chuck Norris, and I'd like you to vote for Mike Huckabee for President in 2008.

Intellectual: If Mike Huckabee's our next president, we're screwed.
by thegreatrock February 16, 2010
A retarded fundamentalist Christian who thinks that the 2'000 year old piece of shit known as the Bible should be taught in school as fact. Oh, and he's a shit actor
Chuck Norris: Hi, I'm Chuck Norris.
Me: You fucking suck. *roundhouse kicks him in the balls*
by Someone With Common Sense February 18, 2012
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