| 229. | chuck norris | ||
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2 be or not 2 be? that is the question. the answer? chuck norris
whats the meaning of life? chuck norris when the dinosaurs became extinct it wasnt because of a meteorite, it was because of chuck norris one time adam and eve had a party in the garden of eden. they failed to invite chuck norris so he roundhouse kicked them out of the garden and shoved an apple down adams throat, which created the adams apple the united states could save billions in defense funding if they trade the military for chuck norris chuck norris invented fire when he was staring at a piece of log and laser beams shot from his eyes chuck norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with laser beams from his eyes chuck norris does not get frostbite. chuck norris bites frost science fact: roundhouse kicks r comprised primarily of an element called chucktanium Chuck Norris + Roundhouse Kick - Bruce Lee = Jackie Chan & Jet Li once chuck norris played the best poker player in the world. he won using his laser vision to burn the other mans cards chuck norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf chuck norris puts the ass in assassinate. by this i mean he roundhouse kicks ur ass when arnold says the line "i'll be back" in the first terminator movie it is implied that is he going 2 ask chuck norris for help in the sequels the first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets chuck norris the movie kill bill is actually a childhood biography of chuck norris when chuck norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, hes pushing the earth down when chuck norris jumps into a pool, he dosent get wet, the pool gets chuck norrised one time a man asked chuck norris for directions. to make his point, he grabbed another man, and ripped out his heart, painted n,s,e,w in their directions with the blood, jabbed a magnet down the mans throat, put him on the ground and spun him. chuck norris once worked as a weatherman for the san diego evening news. every night he would make the same forecast: partly cloudy with a 75% chance of pain chuck norris doesnt daydream. he's too busy giving other people nightmares the word kill was invented by chuck norris. other words were die, beer, and please chuck norris went to america before christopher columbus, but after roundhouse kicking all the natives, he got bored and retired to anarctica if u ask chuck norris what time it is, he always says, two seconds til. after u ask, two seconds til what? he roundhouse kicks u in the face the only creature to ever have defeated chuck norris is curious george, not because he was strong, but was too cute
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| 1. | chuck norris | ||
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One Kick Ass Son of a Bitch!
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Some random facts about Chuck Norris: "Alien vs Predator" is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris' first sexual experience. While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France. Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle. Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends... He punches them in the vagina and they leave. Chuck Norris had sex with a cigarette machine. Chuck Norris once ate an entire watermelon, including the seeds, then grew an entire watermelon patch in his stomach which fed eleven families for six weeks. In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man. If you were to know Chuck Norris' true name, your mind would collapse upon itself. A freak accident involving Chuck Norris and a severe thunderstorm turned an ordinary Total Gym (R) into Richard Dean Anderson, star of TV series "MacGyver". Scholars around the world maintain that this is the only known case of irony that is both situational and dramatic. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimentions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass.... |
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| 2. | chuck norris | ||
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The manliest man on Earth:
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Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. "One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'" People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes. Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face. Dinosaurs went extinct b... |
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| 3. | chuck norris | ||
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v. to perform a totally cool and violent action, observable by peers
v. to judiciously kick a man, woman, child, or animal's ass v. to maintain street credibility; adj. for street cred Did you see the way Stewart Chuck Norrised that fucking guy's neck? That's awesome.
Phil Chuck Norrised that cat because it gave him a look and walked across the hall. Did you see the way Travis slapped that bitch? That's Chuck Norris. |
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| 4. | chuck norris | ||
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America's premier ass kicking artist since the early 1960's. Even at age 63 Chuck Norris can kick any guys ass in the US of A and most of the world and beyond!
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| 5. | chuck norris | ||
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The badest mofo of dem all. DONT F*%K WITH CHUCK!!! When chuck norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet, the pool gets chucked.
One day a man asked chuck norris if his real name was charles. Chuck norris did not respond, but rather stared at him until he exploded. Chuck norris doesn't have AIDS but he gives them to people anyway. If you can see chuck norris he can see you. If you can't see chuck norris, you may be only be seconds away from death. |
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| 6. | chuck norris | ||
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Chuck Norris is the mightiest man alive. He will kill your family and eat your soul. His roundhouse kicks have been known to destroy worlds. All your base are belong to him. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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| 7. | Chuck Norris | ||
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there is no definition for chuck norris 1: i tried to define chuck norris
2: what happened? 1: i got roundhouse kicked and was told no one defines chuck norris but chuck norris |
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