an idiot, retard, someone who thinks they are an expert in a certain subject that they know nothing about
AJ said he could fix my car, but he just made it worse. what an assmonkey.
by Tardo September 28, 2003
Top Definition
A person who, for all intents and purposes, has never learned a god-damned thing. One who maintains a blissful ignorance of the world that simultaneously inspires amusement, disgust and despair in all who are unlucky enough to encounter him.
Did you see those ass-monkeys on Jaywalking last night? Ha-ha, they're so dumb...I think I'll kill myself.
by Petros March 10, 2004
An awkward neighbor or boyfriend/girlfriend in your dorm who invites himself/herself to meals, parties, and other social events. Ass monkeys attach themselves to specific groups or individuals by seeing that other individuals are able to invite themselves to events but still be welcomed companions.
Sketchball A: We need to go out the side door. If we don't your ass monkey will come with us to dinner.

Sketchball B: Tru that 'ho. I don't want my ass monkey fucking up my Pimp Committee.

Mutual Friend of Sketchballs A and B: I swear Sketchball B. If your ass monkey comes to one more meal with us I'm going to jump off a bridge.
by I-Heart-Shiksas December 19, 2007
A close relative of an asshat, an assmonkey is best defined as 'any disagreeable idiot who has successfully combined being an asshole with the brainpower of a monkey fed LSD'.

Eytemology is unknown, but there are perhaps links to Wayne's World, and the line "Pshyeah, and monkeys might fly out my butt."
"God, could Nicholas be any more of an assmonkey? RTFM, n00b."
by Minor Ramblings September 04, 2005
1:(n) a complete idiot

2:(n) a useless individual

3:(n) a combination of both in a supervisory position
1: "only an assmonkey wouldn't know that"

2: "that assmonkey can't do anything without fucking it up"

3: "Eddie is such an assmonkey, how'd he get to be a supervisor? And what assmonkey made him a supervisor?"
1. One who exudes stupidity.
2. One who tries to be funny but fails miserably.
"The two people who submitted their versions of the definition before me (mojohojojomo and lee!) are a couple of reeeaaaalll ASS-MONKIES!!!"
A driver who follows your vehicle at an unsafe distance in their vehicle. A tailgater.
I wish that Ass Monkey would get off my tail!
by pseudoraptor February 18, 2010
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