An ass monkey is a common species of primate known to live in the rectum of people that enjoy making others suffer. These people then gain superhuman powers that allow them to torment innocents even further... Some common "victims" of ass monkies are (but not limited to) DMV workers, lawyers, prosecuters, ex-significant others and high school teachers. Many also believe that George Bush is an ass monkey victim...

How to tell if you're an ass monkey:
- Do people avoid you?
- Do you live alone?
- Do little girls and old ladies run away from you in tears?
- Does your neighbor's dog crap on your doorstep?
- Do people flip you off on a regular basis?

An awkward neighbor or boyfriend/girlfriend in your dorm who invites himself/herself to meals, parties, and other social events. Ass monkeys attach themselves to specific groups or individuals by seeing that other individuals are able to invite themselves to events but still be welcomed companions.

A person who, for all intents and purposes, has never learned a god-damned thing. One who maintains a blissful ignorance of the world that simultaneously inspires amusement, disgust and despair in all who are unlucky enough to encounter him.

A driver who follows your vehicle at an unsafe distance in their vehicle. A tailgater.

n. an individual who, when in an argument, just makes up statistics and quotes from authorities on the subject so they look correct
v. to make up statistics or quotes to appear more correct

A person (usually a man) who i such an asshole that people leave the room when he enters and announces his presence.

Someone who constantly follows someone else around and agrees with everything they say and do.

Small monkey like creatures the size of leprichauns who crawl around your ass while your asleep. ass monkeys usually wedgie guys in tighty whites or chicks wearing g's or thongs. As monkers are also the reason lint appears in your ass. If you capture an ass monkey it will play poker with you.