An ass monkey is a common species of primate known to live in the rectum of people that enjoy making others suffer. These people then gain superhuman powers that allow them to torment innocents even further... Some common "victims" of ass monkies are (but not limited to) DMV workers, lawyers, prosecuters, ex-significant others and high school teachers. Many also believe that George Bush is an ass monkey victim...

How to tell if you're an ass monkey:
- Do people avoid you?
- Do you live alone?
- Do little girls and old ladies run away from you in tears?
- Does your neighbor's dog crap on your doorstep?
- Do people flip you off on a regular basis?
...Damn that ass monkey at the DMV... That jerk wouldn't renew my permit even though i had all my ID...
by MydKnight Darkling October 16, 2007

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Top Definition
A person who, for all intents and purposes, has never learned a god-damned thing. One who maintains a blissful ignorance of the world that simultaneously inspires amusement, disgust and despair in all who are unlucky enough to encounter him.
Did you see those ass-monkeys on Jaywalking last night? Ha-ha, they're so dumb...I think I'll kill myself.
by Petros March 10, 2004

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An awkward neighbor or boyfriend/girlfriend in your dorm who invites himself/herself to meals, parties, and other social events. Ass monkeys attach themselves to specific groups or individuals by seeing that other individuals are able to invite themselves to events but still be welcomed companions.
Sketchball A: We need to go out the side door. If we don't your ass monkey will come with us to dinner.

Sketchball B: Tru that 'ho. I don't want my ass monkey fucking up my Pimp Committee.

Mutual Friend of Sketchballs A and B: I swear Sketchball B. If your ass monkey comes to one more meal with us I'm going to jump off a bridge.
by I-Heart-Shiksas December 19, 2007

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A close relative of an asshat, an assmonkey is best defined as 'any disagreeable idiot who has successfully combined being an asshole with the brainpower of a monkey fed LSD'.

Eytemology is unknown, but there are perhaps links to Wayne's World, and the line "Pshyeah, and monkeys might fly out my butt."
"God, could Nicholas be any more of an assmonkey? RTFM, n00b."
by Minor Ramblings September 04, 2005

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1.Someone that asks stupid questions.
2.A complete idiot.
'That guy is such an AssMonkey!'
by MINIxxx January 05, 2006

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1:(n) a complete idiot

2:(n) a useless individual

3:(n) a combination of both in a supervisory position
1: "only an assmonkey wouldn't know that"

2: "that assmonkey can't do anything without fucking it up"

3: "Eddie is such an assmonkey, how'd he get to be a supervisor? And what assmonkey made him a supervisor?"

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1. One who exudes stupidity.
2. One who tries to be funny but fails miserably.
"The two people who submitted their versions of the definition before me (mojohojojomo and lee!) are a couple of reeeaaaalll ASS-MONKIES!!!"

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A driver who follows your vehicle at an unsafe distance in their vehicle. A tailgater.
I wish that Ass Monkey would get off my tail!
by pseudoraptor February 18, 2010

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