Top definition
When a professor assigns an article in which they are cited for the sole reason of reminding students how much they know. It can be one citation or ten, if they're referenced, you're reading it for class.
A: Did you read those articles for class today?
B: Yeah. Professor Smith was referenced in three of them. Total act of academic masturbation on his part.
by Spoonsy March 29, 2008
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2
Spending your life researching things that, although may be on point, nothing will be done to progress the area actively. Implicated in life sciences for example
Going to university for 7 years to become a lecturer within that field for the rest of your life is an act of academic masturbation
by freeseed March 31, 2015
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3
1. Any discussion with someone when they claim great theoretical or hypothetical; not practical, realistic, or directly useful knowledge designed to make themselves feel good, and to leave you feeling like a sticky mess.

2. Any discussion where claimed knowledge is discussed where the discussion is of great personal pleasure for the Academic Masturbator, but any others find it offensive and gross.
1. The public debate was railroaded by some bigot that just spewed hours of academic masturbation.

2. I hate having her in our study group since all she offers is academic masturbation.

THREE EXAMPLES OF ACADEMIC MASTURBATION:

Four Year Old Example: My daddy is better than your daddy because he's a fireman. Besides, you're a poopoo head.

Dungeon and Dragons Example: There is no way your 3 hit-die Orc could kill my level 3 Halfling thief! (four hour argument ensues)

Theology Example: The end is coming soon and God will kill you heathen scum that heretically believe that the earth is over 6,000 years old. Furthermore, I am NOT an animal!
by Steven G. Peterson September 03, 2008
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4
Any academic work or activity that is not completely necessary yet feels good to most; Usually the teacher
After sexually relieving myself I realized I had to get on with that Academic Masturbation of a critical thinking assignment that was due the next day.
by Gare-Bear September 15, 2009
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5
The practice in which professors and teachers find new ways to talk about hypothetical and unpractical solutions to nonexistent problems or scenarios. Simultaneous waste of taxpayer money may or may not be present depending on the type of institution.
This new class is a huge waste of time; the professor loves academic masturbation, but hasn't actually taught us anything useful.
by bob seeply December 13, 2016
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