Tardtometer 

An instrument used to measure the amount of retardation in a person or situation. The measurement is displayed in units of tard, with a low of one tard and a high of 100 tards. Similar to a Geiger counter.

Did you see how stupid that chick was? I got a reading of 63 tards on my tardtometer.

Tardtometer by BillHo May 10, 2011

turdometer 

A turdometer is an instrument used for accurately measuring the exact physical properties of a turd. The turdometer can measure length, diameter, circumference, mass and density.
Turdometers are used extensively by turdologists

The turdologist measured the turd witth his turdometer to detarmine its exact turdometric properties.

turdometer by turdmeister June 28, 2010

turdmometer 

a device used to poke turd to measure it's temperature

Turdologists have turdmometers in their kits.

Jimmy was poking his pile of humanure compost with a turdmometer

turdmometer by Jumbled McGobbledygook April 23, 2021

terdometer

A system of measurement based on the average size of a dump made by the average male used to describe the size of the terd or terds.

Hay Jake, I took a crap that was like 3 terdometers long!

terdometer by mike koofe May 26, 2011