Old Fuckboy

A 40+ year old man who still acts like a young fuckboy. The old fuckboy has an ex-wife (or two) who he refers to as a "pyscho." This may be true. What is also true is that the ex-wife of the old fuckboy is just a woman who spent years dealing with relentless narcissism, emotional manipulation and cheating, and now believes that the old fuckboy is evil and must be exterminated. The old fuck boy, having had decades of practice, is adept at gaslighting. Emotionally, he is a 7 year old. He is incapable of having adult conversations about relationships, yet insists he's the best, most affectionate boyfriend. The old fuckboy having spent his 20s and 30s being a born-again asshole, and despite having gone to college, probably has a bullshit job, the income of which goes to child support. He will therefore constantly ask you for money. The old fuckboy can sniff out when you have had enough of his bullshit and will act like a decent human being for 60 seconds in order to stay in your good graces. Worst of all, not only can the old fuckboy make you come like gangbusters Every Single Time, he is aware of the relationship between sex and oxytocin, and makes sure he fucks you regularly enough so the feelings of love/trust felt during sex don't dissipate, also known as dickmatizing or dickmatization.

Do not make the mistake of thinking you can remain in control and use the old fuckboy for sex. He's a wily old fart and will find a way to turn the tables so that he's using you.

Conversation at a College Reunion

Keisha: OMG, look who just walked in the door! How does my hair look?
Renee: Nah girl, he a old fuckboy and can dickmatize you and ruin your credit before the Superbowl half-time show is over.

by Artichoke Hearts321 October 31, 2018