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160.
The New Joysee government is known for being incredibly corrupt. This has been a trend ever since Satan was elected as governor of the state in 1917 when he claimed that his opponent, Jesus, had once been issued the death penalty due to a recorded criminal record.

Today, the members of the New Joysee State Senate eat at least 5 children a day, and the Govenor generally eats at least 7, though one day he once ate 24 in one sitting, fulfilling a dare in a childish attempt to impress his wife.

"In all honesty, the government is run by the Mafia," reported an actual Jersey resident quote. Unfortunately the resident and the reporter went "missing" shortly thereafter.

New Joysee was the 41st state in the United States of America. The state slogan was "The Armpit of America!", now "The Fabulous Armpit State!". As of 10/01/07 the capitol is New Joysee City.

Created when the Old Joysee was cast beneath the sea by the god Poseidon, the City-State of New Joysee is a scientifically formulated mixture of cow cheese, old fashioned blue-collar values, and fungally festooned ferret felt, best enjoyed while enjoying romance under a full moon listening to muskrat love. In some mythologies, New Joysee is the land of Paradise, the Garden of Alden, even. However, such stories are generally believed only by hopelessly psychotic homeless people who wander the streets of Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

Note: Only fucking New Yorkers say New Joysee. New Jersey is a lot cleaner than other states because all of our trash is in Atlantic City, Trenton, Newark, Jersey City, and Camden where the gates of hell are located. In order to live in New Jersey One must be one of the folowing: Italian, Sicilian, Jewish, Irish, German, or Catholic, and Indians may live in central Jersey only. If you meet none of these standards, then you are to be wacked. Another little-known fact is that all people from New Jersey know where Jimmy Hoffa is, who killed Kennedy, where to get a good meal at three in the morning, and where to get drugs. New Jersey is divided into the north and the south. The North is the land of polution and crime and the south is farms, trees, the shore, and a dumping spot for bodies. All people in New Jersey live in fear of three things: the mafia, the Jersey Devil, and car insurance. All New Jersey residents would also like to close down Olive Garden because they cannot make gravy for crap. South Jersey people also know how Mexicans fit twenty people into the front cab of a truck, because they have done it with them. New Jersey residents also have been to every business shown on the Sopranos. The only way New Jersey residents are able to survive the taxes is through their Mafia connections, placing a tax burden on the medagons who should get the fuck out of New Jersey. Another little- known fact is that in Vineland (pronounced vine-lin) black people are some of the best members of the "clan". In order to become a resident of any shore town you need to "qatch the tram car, please". It is important also to mispronounce certain words, such as "woulder", the biggest debate in history. In "SJ" the Avenue is what it is all about. You also are required to live withen one half-hour of a mall, within 2 minutes of a Wawa, and within 500 yards of 20 Dunkin' Donuts locations.

According to Weird Al Yankovic, New Joysee sucks.

As of 1991, performing a left turn in an automobile at any given moment in New Joysee is prohibited, punishable by eighteen consecutive life sentences, being sent back in time 2 weeks by way of the Turnpike, and a make-over involving really, really big hair. The cars in New Joysee protested this law, and Christine Whitman, the local demon, jacked up car insurance rates in revenge. This is why auto insurance in New Joysee is so high.

Amongst the things to do in New Joysee:

Engage in self-loathing and general misanthropy
Sit in traffic
Curse your fellow man
Curse your government
Curse yourself
Suicide
Go to to see some shitty emo band
Pay tolls
Make a left turn using a jug-handle
Say the eighteen consecutive life sentences out loud and thus be freed (along with two Hail Marys and a Rama Ding Ding)
Circles in the road... that magically turn into triangles... which amazingly are harder to navigate than the circle.

New Joysee has a rich culture in the arts, including but not limited to strip clubs inhabited by middle aged strippers and men in trucker hats, and has been the birthplace of such hit motion picture masterpieces such as "Jersey Girl" and "Gigli".

Places in New Joysee include
Joysee City
Quahog
Los Chiyorkphigo
Geritolopolis, New Joysee
Metropolis
Leonardo
The Sunken Ruins of Old Joysee
South Jersey (not related)
The New Joysee Turnpike... a.k.a. "The Road from HELL!"
Edison, New Joysee
Moonachie, New Joysee
Your Mom
Newark, New Joysee
Kansas, New Joysee
Montvale, New Joysee
North Caldwell, which gets into endless sissy fights with the town of Your Mom.
The College of New Joysee
The Gates of Hell
Nick Sereda's house (The palace of dead cats).

New Joysee lost all of its sports teams to the non-existent New York. Thusly, the only sports team you will find in New Joysee is the New Joysee Turnpikers.

The New Joysee Turnpikers play right in the middle of exit 159 and 159b, right where that awful stench keeps happ'nin.

New Joysee is home to several species of tree.

New Joysee is also home to many musicians and people who pretend to be musicians, such as Bruce Springsteen, who despite all his riches still writes songs, and the tireless pedophile rights group and advocate for man-boy love and large hair, Bon Jovi. Les Claypool isn't from NJ but my mom thinks he is.

Bruce Willis, long rumored to possibly be some kind of actor, also hails from Hoboken, New Jersey, known for his roles in countless motion pictures where he expertly and tirelessly plays the same anti-hero bad-ass character over and over again and refuses to shave more than once a week.

The wild Indians of New Joysee populate many of the native conveniance stores and low-budget condos of joysee suberbs.

Um, don't forget Meryl Streep.

Other people include:
Amy Seymour
Gerard Way,the well known Mikey Jackson impersonater.

The following list of people have embarrassed the state of New Joysee beyond repair. The are no longer allowed to cross the border and come home for any reason.

Martha Stewart
Frank Sinatra
James McGreevy
Bruce Bedspring
Joe Piscopo
Kevin Spacey
Jack Nicholson
Dionne Warwick
Jerry Lewis
Whitney Houston
Judy Blume
The Menendez Brothers
Taking Back Sunday
Nathan Lane
(Okay, I'm kidding about the Menendez Brothers.)

Roads in New Joysee
Route 206, also known as the road that is always backed up is a popular favorite. Come and sit in traffic and marvel at how congested the road is!
Route 80, the road that goes all the way to California. Always backed up in the direction you are going in only. The other side is magically free of traffic.
Route 287 is another popular road. However, this road goes nowhere and does little of interest, so ignore it, please. Route 95 is a road that defies all logic in New Joysee. Notice the mile numbers. Notice how they randomly go up and down. Notice how if you are on I-95 North, somehow you end up on I-295 south and if you are on I-95 South you end up on I-295 North? If it isn't clear by now, I-95 in New Joysee was planned out by Hitler. Also in on the Route 295 Conspiracy is Route 130, which randomly joins with Route 295 in the southern area to try to have a four-way orgy with Route 40 and the New Joysee Turnpike at the Delaware Memorial Bridge.
Route 23 goes into New York. Literally, the only highway with nothing on it. Let's just avoid route 23.
Route 22 must be seen to be believed. It is actually a drive-thru megamall and boasts the highest daily accident rate of any road in the country. Also, a good road on which to hotbox while driving to Melody, Pennsylvania to buy relatively cheap cartons of cigarettes... or in the either direction towards... Route 1-9 and the ensuing Pulaski skyway, the central vein of the armpit, deep within the 'Joisey Smell' zone proper. This will bring you quickly within sight of the signs for the Holland Tunnel, where you will sit in traffic for exactly long enough to miss whatever it was for which you wanted to enter New York/escape Joisey. It's generally a good idea to bring along some food, water, and a container suitable for the deposit and storage of bodily waste, when one is daring enough to try this route.
Route 666 goes through the Pinebarrens. An area which if lost you could go for days without encountering a single sign of human life, drive past the gates of hell, and be killed by the Jersey Devil.
Route 40 is known for constantly being in construction when it never really needed it in the first place. Why they felt the need to make it wider will forever be a mystery. The constant construction is attributed to the workers ripping up the roads and then being wacked before they are able to complete the job.
"Wait a tick. They have a NEW Jersey now?"

"Joysee girls ain't trash... trash gets picked up!"

"A really lovely state, very convenient, to the south of Hell."
by Phayte January 01, 2007
 
57.
The great state that ended up being the play toy of the fucking idiots of MTV and the Jersey Shore. A show that has no point to exist and should be thrown off air immediately and no I'm not from joisey.
Hey where you from.
New Jersey
Oh youz from Joizey
No, I'm from New Jersey. You need special ed-classes.
by A Rebel October 11, 2010
 
58.
Not New York.
-Have you been to New York yet?
-Yeah, I were in New Jersey the other week.
-Dude.
by Mister Sheilaman August 15, 2010
 
59.
okay okay, i sat back and read half the definitions that these white people in Jersey typed and i dont have a problem with it at all. Yes, Jersey is the best place, but its also one of the poorest places also. Majority of the people in the South Jersey area such as Hanover, Brick, Hamilton and all that other stuff has it kinda good that the people up in Essex and Union County.

New Jersey is by far the only state to have the most safest and most dangerous city in the nation. But if you havent noticed, there's 2 most safest cities (Hamilton and Brick) and 4 most dangerous cities. (Trenton, Camden, Newark, & Jersey City) What does that tell you?

Yes, Jersey is the home of plenty celebrities and happens to be one of the best places you can be from. But dont come and think everything will be all smiles and laughter because you're thinking wrong.

Take a trip to Irvington, East Orange, or Elizabeth with a nice sidekick or even a cell phone. Let's just hope you make it out alive.

New Jersey, home of the good and the bad, expect the un-expected.
by RACE325 May 14, 2008
 
60.
A state thought to be the perilous armpit of the nation, until a young man attended The Military College of Vermont(Norwich) and discovered a large quantity of whores and unhuman looking people.
This cadet claims to have never heard "Jersey" pronounced "Joisy" either.
There is no condescending name for New Jersey such as "vermonsters" in VT or "commiefornia" for CA.
by C/PVT Smith, T January 17, 2004
 
61.
A shittier version of Florida.

New Jersey is:
Overcrowded with arrogant people. When they have a nickel, they act as if they have a dollar. They are very showy people. The people of New Jersey act much dumber than they truly are, as they have made being stupid seem cool. Thanks Jersey Shore.
Person from New Jersey: Yo, just got my paycheck. Gotta show off to the ladies so I'm gonna spend this shit tonight. You in?
Person from a different state: No, I'm going to save up to get the house of my dreams in 5 years.

NJ: Man that's fucking stupid.
by 88424 August 09, 2011
 
62.
New Jersey is practically the best state to live in on earth. I lived there from the time i was born, to when i was 16 years, 5 months, 15 days, 15 hours, and 20 minutes, yes i have that figured out to the exact moment. I love new jersey! I miss it now that i moved to NC. What most people don't know is that Jersey doesn't *smell* like everyone thinks. Sure there are some place where it smells like a sewer, but there are also places that make it smell the best on earth.

In Jersey you can go anywhere within 20 minutes of driving, and get anything you want. food? Chinese, Mandarin, Asian, Italian, Germany, Thai, Irish, you name it, we've got it. It's also the only place other than NYC where you can get a decent pizza. Anyone who lives elsewhere known nothing of what good pizza is. They don't understand how to make it. you need the proper equipment (proper equipment: an italian mafia family)

We are home to a GREATY Ivy league University (Princeton). We have many great other schools around. In the North for Example, Farleigh Dickenson, and Rutgers. Plus we are within a 30 minute drive into the most fantastic place you'll ever know, NYC.

Property value is high in New Jersey, if you own a large piece of land, sell it now. Because there are NO large pieces left. You can get to 3 different malls within 20 miles of your home.

No one from Jersey call it "Joisey", unless we are making fun of the people who do. Turnpike jokes arent' funny, quit asking. No, no one in NJ has ever pumped their own gas, its illegal. We have a great lottery.

New Jersey is the best place on earth, if you disagree i will smack you! *smacks*
by aalikane April 07, 2006
 
63.
New Jersey? What much is there to say rather than the fact that I reside in said state, and hate everything about it. The state is typically filled with assholes who think that they are better than you and because of that fact, are incredibly rude to you. The majority of the youth of the state typically believe that sports alone can get you into college.

THAT is the negative of the state.

THIS is the positive.

The shore/beach. Everywhere except Atlantic City. The schools are good, and so are a minority of the youth who are able to see the negative of the state; they abuse the good of the state and revel in it.

Please note that the MTV program, "Jersey Shore" is not similar to New Jersey at all, for the cast are absolute morons who have no idea what New Jersey is.
Your mother, "Hey! You live in New Jersey!"

Me, "Not proud of that fact."
by xXa7Xx February 22, 2012