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Mary Chipperfield 

To masterbate, crack one off, perform fist rape, date the first mate, bash the bishop, yank the plank, shake hands with the unemployed, pull a pint on the love pump attend a menage a mois and, most pertinantly, to spank the monkey.

Mary Chipperfield owns a circus and got in trouble a few years back for physically reprimanding a primate in her care.
Hot damn boy! That be good monodextrous literature! I'm off for a quick Mary Chipperfield - wheres my jizz rag?
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