Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas were born in the hospital in Disneyworld, during the gay pride parade. They were born as triplets, however the last two were born a few years later. After her mother was done giving birth to Nick, she killed herself after realizing she wasted 5 years of her life in a hospital. Their father, knowing that he was an incompetent unemployed drunk, dropped them off at the nearest church.

The priest came to the church one day after his nightly visit to the gay strip bar. He found the three boys and brought them in. He decided he must name these "gifts from god". Coincidentally, he decided to name them Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas. The next few years, Nick, Kevin, and Joe had to beg on the street for money and food while the priest "helped out" at the young boys and girls club.

When Nick was old enough to speak, at age 5, he whined at local shops about his life and how hard it was. A music producer thought he had a nice whining voice. He asked him if he would sign a contract that would be a great financial gain to him. He agreed, and began recording whining with music in the background. For the next 7 years, his voice grew no deeper.

The record producer realized his mistake, and shipped Nick, along with his two older brothers, off to columbia. There, they were discovered by the national record company, Columbia Records. The three of them made a band under the name "Kracktor", and labeled themselves as brutal progressive black death power heavy metal/polka.

Nick could not do the death scream, however, and they had to change their music. They simplified it to 3 power chords played over, and over. Unfortunately, they weren't selling with Columbia. One day, while sitting by a hickory stump, the devil appeared and challenged them to a fiddle challenge.

"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you'll care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You play a pretty good fiddle, but give the devil his due, I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul cos' I think I'm better than you." The devil said to them. Nick mindlessly accepted, before realizing he had no fiddle, or a soul for that matter.

The devil, realizing he won by default, brought them to his secret headquarters and sold them to his head company, Disney. Disney realized the potential in their looks towards premature mainstream zombies and threw the brothers in a few movies and marketed them on everything.

Today, the Jonas brothers live in hell, along with the devil and his disney army. They create mindless songs that get stuck in your head until you want to throw up.
"The Jonas Brothers are the worst thing to ever walk the earth. What a waste of space and skin."
by trust me, you dont want to kno August 21, 2008
Retard-ginger-ass-lickers who think horny little girls like their music. But on the contrary these young girls want to feel the Jonas Brothers tiny tight little nothings. Their music sucks, they think that while they are playing live they can play a solo while holding down a power chord on the guitar for a minute and a half. Anybody that knows music and cares about the music not just the goddamned looks will all agree that their music is a huge pile of babies raped and devoured by a giant four foot wide vagina with razor sharp teeth. Anyone that considers this music should be raped, and at that whoever thinks this is "rock" should be killed by a brutal death. Goddammit Metallica is rock, Led Zeppelin is rock, Queen is rock, The Who is rock, but for all that is holy do not EVER consider The Jonas Bothers (yes i made that typo for a reason) music or else I will haunt your dreams.

Any girl that calls us jealous, take a look in our pants and see the difference, also who THE FUCK would want to be in a god awful band with the most shittiest songs?

Forgot to mention that their fan base consists of girls that want to fit in si they "adore" the jonas brothers and gay guys.

Led Zeppelin ROCKS!
Girl/gay guy:I Love the Jonas Brothers!
Us: Bitch please, shut up before I rip your pussy and/or penis out so you have no more hope of entering in sexual intercourse with the Jonas Brothers

Girl/gay guy:I Love the Jonas Brothers!
Us: Shut up before we are forced to rip your ears off cause you obviously cant distinguish music.
by Franoit April 08, 2009
A terrible excuse for a pop band; A group of teenage guys that sing like they're just now going through puberty. Middle school and elementary school girls are ordinarily obsessed with them. Few high school girls are, but they're just wierd asses. Some people believe them to be gay, which it wouldn't be surprising if they did in fact suck eachother's dicks every night.
8 year old girl: OMG THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE SOO HOTT!

16 year old girl: OMG I KNOW I LOVE THEM I WOULD LIKE LICK THEIR ENTIRE BODIES!

Group of random people: What the fuck? Wierd ass.
by lissagetscrunkk October 28, 2009
Three brothers that do each other before every concert, and that is why girls love them so much.
Sarah loved the Jonas Brothers so much because they do each other ♥.♥
by I'm Blah October 14, 2009
One of the worst bands in history that is suddenly the greatest band of all time. If people want to find out what good music is, go listen to "Ride the Lightning" (Metallica), "The Gallery" (Dark Tranquility), "Ascendancy" (Trivium), any Megadeth, Slayer, or In Flames album.
#1: Boy, that horrible pop rock band Jonas Brothers sucks.
#2: Yep. Hey, did you get that new Amon Amarth or Trivium album yet? Now that's real music!!
by Unknown3456 January 07, 2009
3 talentless pricks who sing shitty pop songs which 6-17 year old females(and some males) tend to like
girl: OMG!!! I LUV THE JONAS BROTHERS!!!!
boy: OMG SO DO I!!!!!!!
person who likes good music:you guys are retarded listening to them! You dont know good music!!!!
boy and girl:ZOMG SHUT UP! *runs away crying*
by talksomeshit October 09, 2009
A fruity 3 "man" band who "sing" about friendship and such. 99% of the girl teen population has a weird obsession over them. Every girl who is in love with them has an I.Q. lower than a fish.

The Jonas brothers all claim to be straight, but their so far in the closet that "they are having adventures in Narnia." They try to hide the fact that they have vaginas by stuffing them with paper during photo shoots.
fan girl-" OMJ I SAW THE JONAS BROTHERS ON TV LAST NIGHT AND I PEED A LITTLE AND CRYED!!!!!!!!1111!!!!"

Smart person-"stfu please?"
by Zipitty September 06, 2009
dumb ass mother fuckers who dont know wut the hell good music is
jeremy: dude, my girlfriend lyks the jonas brothers...wut do i do?

jarrett: wtf? they dumb as hell, tel ur gf to listen to better music or dump her ass!!
by mystery117 June 16, 2009
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