Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas were born in the hospital in Disneyworld, during the gay pride parade. They were born as triplets, however the last two were born a few years later. After her mother was done giving birth to Nick, she killed herself after realizing she wasted 5 years of her life in a hospital. Their father, knowing that he was an incompetent unemployed drunk, dropped them off at the nearest church.
The priest came to the church one day after his nightly visit to the gay strip bar. He found the three boys and brought them in. He decided he must name these "gifts from god". Coincidentally, he decided to name them Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas. The next few years, Nick, Kevin, and Joe had to beg on the street for money and food while the priest "helped out" at the young boys and girls club.
When Nick was old enough to speak, at age 5, he whined at local shops about his life and how hard it was. A music producer thought he had a nice whining voice. He asked him if he would sign a contract that would be a great financial gain to him. He agreed, and began recording whining with music in the background. For the next 7 years, his voice grew no deeper.
The record producer realized his mistake, and shipped Nick, along with his two older brothers, off to columbia. There, they were discovered by the national record company, Columbia Records. The three of them made a band under the name "Kracktor", and labeled themselves as brutal progressive black death power heavy metal/polka.
Nick could not do the death scream, however, and they had to change their music. They simplified it to 3 power chords played over, and over. Unfortunately, they weren't selling with Columbia. One day, while sitting by a hickory stump, the devil appeared and challenged them to a fiddle challenge.
"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you'll care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You play a pretty good fiddle, but give the devil his due, I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul cos' I think I'm better than you." The devil said to them. Nick mindlessly accepted, before realizing he had no fiddle, or a soul for that matter.
The devil, realizing he won by default, brought them to his secret headquarters and sold them to his head company, Disney. Disney realized the potential in their looks towards premature mainstream zombies and threw the brothers in a few movies and marketed them on everything.
Today, the Jonas brothers live in hell, along with the devil and his disney army. They create mindless songs that get stuck in your head until you want to throw up.
"The Jonas Brothers are the worst thing to ever walk the earth. What a waste of space and skin."
My re-defenition of this shit is it's ANOTHER FUCKING TEEN POP Group with three guys that are brothers. No it's not the Hansons, it's the Jonas Brothers. I don't mind looking good but there music talent is awful, when joe sings, it sound like he's forcing his voice too much, like he's actually (and I'll laugh if it's true) trying to be a rocker. Nick is also just an uninteresting guitarist (a reason why other boy bands don't use instruments)
The fangirls are just as worst (maybe more than) It's like you just wanna hurt the jonas and just kill their fans. Any girl would just use lousy shit like "you jealous" I don't need Disney to waste my time just to be famous, dumb bitch! they're famous no thinks to Disney that itself is really going sown the drain. Most of them just say they're hot and not even talk about they're music talent (a good way to tell they don't have any) it's like they just watch a jonas brothers video on mute.
Becuase of these fucks, they hate I once had against Hip Hop is gone.
They also fuck up classics like Kids of America, no wait it's now called "Kids of the Future"
person 1: What's with you!
person 2: the worst 3 minuets I had was a 3 member group no music talent at all and my ears are hurting.
person 1: Jonas Brothers?
Person 2: yes, please kill me
the worst thing to ever happen to music.
The Insane Clown Posse is so much better than the Jonas Brothers.
Sexual position in during a gay threesome where the three males fall asleep in a triangle each with someone elses cock in their mouth
While on tour, The Jonas Brothers (Nick, Joe and the other one) had a Jonas Brother, after they fell asleep 5 minutes past their bedtime :O
Also known as the Jonas Homos, or the JoHoes.
A trio of incestuous, homosexual brothers hailing from Wyckoff, New Jersey. They were signed by the Disney Corporation, and as such have been made to adopt a clean pure boy image.
They wear purity rings
as a promise to abstain from sex
The fanbase is mostly comprised of immature 6-16 year old girls. The older girls want to get with the Jonas Homos, and have thousands of their posters hanging in their rooms and/or lockers. They also sell out the concerts which are way too many.
Haters have cropped up since the advent of these gaylords. Most notably, they can be found on the social networking site Facebook
. The biggest, not to mention the fastest growing, hater group is "1,000,000 Strong against the Jonas Brothers."
An ongoing war has occurred between fans and haters. The fans have shot immature remarks at the Haters, and the haters, well, struck right back.
You know you have a fan on your hands when you hear them use the term OMJ instead of OMG. OMJ means, as you may have figured out, Oh My Jonas.
Fun Fact: Nick Jonas suffers from diabetes, which haters comment on often.
Fan: OMJ! I love Nick Jonas. I wanna marry him!!!!!!!!!1!1!!
Hater: STFU! Listen to some real music you stupid ho!
Nick Jonas: OMG, I like have diabetes
Wilford Brimley: No, son, its pronounced dia-beetus.
Nick Jonas: 0.0
Fan: I love the Jonas Brothers
Hater: More like Jonas Homos
Fan: *cries* O<J, ur just jealous!!!!1!!!!
Hater: Why wud i be jealous of those homos? Especially the ones whose hair looks like pubes?
Retard-ginger-ass-lickers who think horny little girls like their music. But on the contrary these young girls want to feel the Jonas Brothers tiny tight little nothings. Their music sucks, they think that while they are playing live they can play a solo while holding down a power chord on the guitar for a minute and a half. Anybody that knows music and cares about the music not just the goddamned looks will all agree that their music is a huge pile of babies raped and devoured by a giant four foot wide vagina with razor sharp teeth. Anyone that considers this music should be raped, and at that whoever thinks this is "rock" should be killed by a brutal death. Goddammit Metallica is rock, Led Zeppelin is rock, Queen is rock, The Who is rock, but for all that is holy do not EVER consider The Jonas Bothers (yes i made that typo for a reason) music or else I will haunt your dreams.
Any girl that calls us jealous, take a look in our pants and see the difference, also who THE FUCK would want to be in a god awful band with the most shittiest songs?
Forgot to mention that their fan base consists of girls that want to fit in si they "adore" the jonas brothers and gay guys.
Led Zeppelin ROCKS!
Girl/gay guy:I Love the Jonas Brothers!
Us: Bitch please, shut up before I rip your pussy and/or penis out so you have no more hope of entering in sexual intercourse with the Jonas Brothers
Girl/gay guy:I Love the Jonas Brothers!
Us: Shut up before we are forced to rip your ears off cause you obviously cant distinguish music.
Another example of our generation's poor view on music. It's bad enough to have to listen to their slipshod lyrics and brazen guitar riffs, but then they have the nerve to consider themselves a "rock band". It's not completely the jonas brothers fault, on the contrary it's the fan base that account for 2/3 of the public's anger. The fact that these 10-16 yr old girls try to defend them with little or no logical reason just fuels the public's anger to the point where hating them is a household topic. I'm not saying i hate them personally(even though they claim they're rock when they are straight edge virgins) but don't go and defend them like their the next Nirvana. Their nothing more than a fad that will die when their adults and it's a shame that bands like them and miley cyrus top the charts rather than bands that put effort and time into their albums. America's funny like that
No need, the jonas brothers show it on "On demand" every 5 minutes
Bunch of faggots who take it up the ass everynight. When one of them takes it up the ass, their moans and screams make up a song
Joe: (thrusting Nick up the ass) comeon man think of something
Nick: "OH jESUS" "I love it" "oh god" "love me some more"
Other Jonas: Good work Nick, nice lyrics. Now you 2 pump me in the poop-chute and i'll think of a chorus :)
(After 2 hours of intense anal action, the Jonas Brothers has thought of another shitty ass love song)