The prophesied king of cool, master of
excellence; an
individual possessing near-superhuman levels of righteousness, to the point where it becomes
impossible to describe said righteousness with language or define it with modern scientific methods.
After I watched him jump off the
Empire State Building on his flaming motorcycle, strangling a
mountain lion with one hand while pleasuring an Amazon sex goddess with the other, I knew that Ted was no mere
human being, but Gnarly McGnarlington incarnate.