Originally Rugby, American Football is by far one of the best games ever invented. It involved 11 players on a rectangular 100-yard field fighting over one ball. Now I know everyone else's definitions, and they are terribly politically incorrect.
1. Football is a "pussy" sport because we wear pads. We wear pads because we are so strong and powerful that without pads we'd kill each other. Back in the early 1900's dozens of people died each year playing football. Europeans never had this problem because they are not as strong as Americans.
2. It is not a "slow" game, nor does it spend 15 minutes between every play. If you've ever played football, you would know it is one of the fastest games ever played in 10 seconds. Within those ten seconds you exert all the energy you have, unilke pussy soccer where you run around for a couple hours like a chicken with their head cut off.
1. Football is a "pussy" sport because we wear pads. We wear pads because we are so strong and powerful that without pads we'd kill each other. Back in the early 1900's dozens of people died each year playing football. Europeans never had this problem because they are not as strong as Americans.
2. It is not a "slow" game, nor does it spend 15 minutes between every play. If you've ever played football, you would know it is one of the fastest games ever played in 10 seconds. Within those ten seconds you exert all the energy you have, unilke pussy soccer where you run around for a couple hours like a chicken with their head cut off.
"The soccer game is on man."
"Why would I watch a bunch of Brits run around in short shorts? It's Monday night and a real man's game is coming on."
"Why would I watch a bunch of Brits run around in short shorts? It's Monday night and a real man's game is coming on."
by Harry January 13, 2005
American Football is the name given to a mass homoerotic orgy masquerading as a sport. It is only exceeded in man-loving gayness by the similar psuedo-sport of Wrestling. The main objectives of American Football are to:
1) Provide an extended opportunity for exceptionally fit and muscular men to run toward each other and proceed to grope and hug one another.
2) Provide many opportunities for selected football players to watch their spandex-wearing cohorts bend over and symbolically pass a turd-shaped object through their legs.
3) Provide an excuse for the entire football team to get naked together and shower in private.
Most players of American Football like their sex-play rough, as is evidenced by the nature of their activities while dressed up in fetish-wear for the occasion. Padding is used, particularly around the shoulders to give the men an exaggerated look of masculinity that adds to the raw erotic power they display to both their teammates and the opposing team.
Surprisingly, most participants and fans of American Football do not embrace their obvious homosexuality as readily as they embrace other participants/fans. Most will even deny any hint of homoeroticism inherent in the activity, despite its gaiety being greater than that of most civic Gay Pride parades. This paradoxical aspect is thought to enhance one's enjoyment of the activity, and could perhaps be seen as a type of role-play where gay men pretend to be heterosexual while engaging in or watching one of the most gay activities ever devised.
1) Provide an extended opportunity for exceptionally fit and muscular men to run toward each other and proceed to grope and hug one another.
2) Provide many opportunities for selected football players to watch their spandex-wearing cohorts bend over and symbolically pass a turd-shaped object through their legs.
3) Provide an excuse for the entire football team to get naked together and shower in private.
Most players of American Football like their sex-play rough, as is evidenced by the nature of their activities while dressed up in fetish-wear for the occasion. Padding is used, particularly around the shoulders to give the men an exaggerated look of masculinity that adds to the raw erotic power they display to both their teammates and the opposing team.
Surprisingly, most participants and fans of American Football do not embrace their obvious homosexuality as readily as they embrace other participants/fans. Most will even deny any hint of homoeroticism inherent in the activity, despite its gaiety being greater than that of most civic Gay Pride parades. This paradoxical aspect is thought to enhance one's enjoyment of the activity, and could perhaps be seen as a type of role-play where gay men pretend to be heterosexual while engaging in or watching one of the most gay activities ever devised.
Man 1: "Did you see that American Football tackle!?"
Man 2: "Come here, you!!"
Other Man 1: "I'm going to the American Football game, dressed in a satin jersey because I like the way it rubs against my nipples when I cheer."
Other Man 2: "I'm going to the American Football game wearing seductive and sexy bodypaint over my exposed torso."
Other Man 3: "Come here, you guys!!"
Man 2: "Come here, you!!"
Other Man 1: "I'm going to the American Football game, dressed in a satin jersey because I like the way it rubs against my nipples when I cheer."
Other Man 2: "I'm going to the American Football game wearing seductive and sexy bodypaint over my exposed torso."
Other Man 3: "Come here, you guys!!"
by Mike and not Spike October 25, 2006
Nathan: Did you watch the American football last night?
Lawrence: Is that the sport where men of questionable sexuality covered in plastic jump on top of each other.
Nathan: Yeah, apparently they throw a 'ball' around as some sort of cover for the whole thing.
Lawrence: Is that the sport where men of questionable sexuality covered in plastic jump on top of each other.
Nathan: Yeah, apparently they throw a 'ball' around as some sort of cover for the whole thing.
by Jim Birtwisle February 5, 2008
by Alex Marz March 28, 2005
Probably the most boring sport in the world. People standing around for minutes on end in silly science fiction costumes and occasionally running for a few seconds. Far too many rules and not enough flow. About as exciting as watching people play chess. Watch real football (the most popular sport in the world, for good reason) if you crave real excitement.
Patient: Doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping.
Doctor: Just watch some American Football and you'll be asleep in a few minutes.
Doctor: Just watch some American Football and you'll be asleep in a few minutes.
by midnite serpent September 24, 2007
Probably the gayest sport ever. You're gay if you like watching "big, strong mean who probably aren't using steroids just to look cool" tackle each other on the ground while carrying a pig skin ball. Grow a pair and play Rugby you pussys
by A Rebel October 11, 2010
Gay American sport. Bunch of dumbass steroid using fags trying to hump each other while trying to run to the other side of the field. Stops every 10 seconds and lots of subs because the players are too fat to run much.
Look at that steroid jacked dumbass with the pig-skin under that pile of men. He might graduate high school with an D average if he's lucky. It must be an American football.
by Triple Z July 11, 2008