Fingolfin

Fingolfin was high king of the Noldor in JRR Tolkien's Legendarium. He was without a doubt the single most badass elf who ever lived. If you think that Fëanor was better than him, you are wrong and need to reevaluate your ability to judge the badassery of fantasy elves. You don't need to worship God anymore, because Fingolfin is better and would probably win in a fight. Unlike God, who is a goody two shoes, Fingolfin smoked mountains of weed and drank absent like it was warm milk*. He spent his spare time rescuing puppies from ravenous wolves and fighting dragons with a fork whilst completely naked*. Any female of sound mind would instantly drop her knickers for this beast of an elf. He could give a woman 24 orgasms in the space of 7 seconds*. (Why his wife Anairë left him is unknown, although I personally think it was because she was lesbian and was fucking Eärwen). He died fighting the most powerful being in the entirety of Middle Earth, Morgoth, although he probably would have won if not for this prophecy thing that is too complex to explain here. He still gave the dude a permanent limp and seven wounds though, and his body was carried away by a giant eagle. Now that shit is hardcore.
The majority of major badasses in Middle Earth are descended from Fingolfin. This includes Eärendil, Elrond, Aragorn, Fingon, and Turgon.
*Unconfirmed.

'Fingolfin was better than Fëanor in every way possible' is not an opinion, it is a proven scientific fact.

by Nickwillable April 1, 2018