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1.
A complex formula for determining the optimum level of window-opening required in an office.

x = (3.4 I/T) + (D/3) / WY

x = amount of window-opening required
I = irritation caused to colleagues by window-opening, measured in furyons
D = thickness of denim jacket worn by the window-opener, measured in Status Quos
W = daily amount of non-window-opening work done by window-opener
Y = yellowness of hair of window opener

As W always equals 0 the solution to the equation is always infinity.
Newton: That's what I hate most about Felders. Opening windows willy-nilly.

Hovis: Its not as random as it appears. He can't embark on his window-opening tours without first solving the Feldman Equation.
by Unnatural England June 29, 2009
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