EVERYONE seems to have provided either a partially or entirely inaccurate definition of what a Cleveland Steamer actually is. This classic and creative move is indeed a way to ensure that any desired break-up with a particular girl is accomplished without chance of reconciliation! Okay, THIS is how to perfectly execute a Cleveland Steamer: First, get your soon-to-be-ex drunk to the point of passing out. This serves two purposes. One, it allows you to precisely carry out the defecation on her chest without protest. Two, it almost assures that, because she drank so damn much, she will be even MORE sickened by the stench when she wakes in the morn. But back to the instructions. After passing out, the victim (girl) must be carefully placed in her bed with the covers pulled back. At this time, strip off her top and lay the longest, smokiest and smelliest logs possible directly on, around and between her tits. One may prep for this by eating lots of green vegetables, collard greens in particular, then smoking a pack of menthol cigarettes and eating jalapeno poppers at the same time. After dropping your shit pudding on her chest, and this is very important, pull the covers (preferably including at least two wool blankets and a down comforter) up over her head. If need be, leave her nostrils uncovered so that she won't suffocate. Then, after "blanketing" the smoking poo on her chest with as many covers as are available, turn the thermostat in her room up as high as it will go. If you can run that heat upwards of 90-95 degrees, DO IT! After a night of her poo pot pie literally baking on her chest under the multi-layered covers AND with a room temp of around 90 degrees, she will indeed wake to the smell in this steamy sauna of shit that will make her WISH she was engulfed by the smell of something much more tolerable, like the stench of rotting possum carcasses in the desert heat. THIS, my friends, is the REAL Cleveland Steamer!!!
"I hated Candace's sorry ass so much that I thought I was actually gonna have to kill her to get rid of that nagging bitch once and for all. Fortunately, I cleverly decided to use the ole Cleveland Steamer ploy, which both got rid of her for good and kept me from going to prison! Cleveland Steamers rock, man!!!"
by Larry Tird August 03, 2009
Name of a gourmet steamed hotdog at Nate's in Calgary. Kinda like a Michigan but with fried onions.
Hey buddy, want to go grab a Cleveland steamer?
by calgaryboy February 08, 2013
A steamer made in Cleveland, Ohio.
I steamed yummy veggies with this Cleveland Steamer. It works much better than my imported steamer
by sega31098 September 13, 2010
A carpet cleaning company based in Champaign, IL. They have been working since 2002.
Wow my carpets are reallly fucking dirty. Who should i call?......The Cleveland Steamers!!!!
by theoneandolnly July 21, 2010
an unusual act performed by two lovers where the girl craps on the guys chest.
GIRL: baby i LOOVVEED the movie tonight...and im not tired at ALL...whaddya wana do? hmm?

GIRL: uhmm...uhhh what??
by NAHOTONI March 14, 2010

The art of one person excreting onto someones chest and then rocking backward and forth in a rocking horse motion thus smearing faeces all over the target area.

I met her in a bar, we went back to hers, and upon turning the light on i noticed she had plastic sheets, inquisitive at first i carried on. There was some foreplay and then she shat on my chest. She asked me afterwards if i enjoyed the cleveland steamer.
by James 'Cleveland' Purchase March 06, 2007
Quickly heating the female orifice to be used as a fornication semen receptacle. Best employed rhetorically.

Microwaving or boiling a synthetic female orifice for life altering masturbation.
After she saw him the the first time last night Steve seemingly could do nothing to arouse her. After blowing smoke up her ass he tried the cleveland steamer to make her receptive to his planned penetration. Smoke, steam, cajoling... none of these would distract her from laughing about his penis.

Bobby read on the interweb the gelatinous tube with the tight tunnel would feel as good as fucking the orifice of a real woman. Not bothering with the instructions he boiled his masturbation toy to "heat it up for that realistic feel". After he returned home from the hospital he never gave device assisted masturbation another thought even after the skin grafts to his penis fully recovered. His parents gave his internet connection the cleveland steamer treatment with PfSense.
by PassionTrain August 29, 2012
Torturing an entire city by holding an hour long "Special" on ESPN to announce your decision to leave Cleveland for Miami, when you could have done it with more class. A Lebron Classic.
LeBron just orchestrated the worst Cleveland Steamer I've ever seen!
by Uncle Buttchucker July 08, 2010

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