WELL, HERE ARE 50 FUN THINGS FOR NON-CHRISTIANS TO DO IN CHURCH
1. Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class
and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."
2. A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the
scheduled sermon is entitled "Why God Sent AIDS to Punish
3. Put stray dogs in coat closets.
4. Un-tune the piano.
5. Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".
6. Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.
7. Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this
8. Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at
Grateful Dead concerts.
9. Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows,
hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would
you rather be stoned or crucified?"
10. Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.
11. Start a wave.
12. Do cool things with the lighting.
13. When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G.
Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff".
14. Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.
15. When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh,
Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"
16. Make up your own words to the songs.
17. Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand
up, and say: "Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out
18. Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
19. If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF
YOU DON'T SHUT THAT GODDAMN THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL
20. Dress all in black, or in camo.
21. Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire.
Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two.
Change sets for the evening service.
22. If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and
matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress
23. At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes.
Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.
24. Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your
shoes and socks.
25. Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the
first mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in.
26. Inflate balloons, then send them off.
27. Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far
28. Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17).
Draw in asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the
29. Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.
30. Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.
31. During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone
asks what you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They
ruled the earth over 65 million years ago."
32. Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor.
Discreetly light them.
33. Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being
stoned, especially Stephen.
34. Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate
on how good it is.
35. When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece
of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
36. Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of
me," and lick them.
37. Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
38. Blow bubbles.
39. Fake a possession.
40. Distribute condoms.
41. Speak in tongues.
42. Ask where the nearest ashtray is.
43. Drool in the collection plate.
44. Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians.
After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of
45. After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish
jokes. When someone points out that Pope John Paul II came
from Poland, act embarrassed.
46. Show unusual interest in any reference to the word
47. At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of
a wristwatch embedded inside.
48. Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new
ones depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery.
Send the bill to the pastor.
49. Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon
50. Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address
of the church next Saturday at midnight.
- If you behave like a good Christian you will go to Heaven when you die.
- Well, I've been a slut all my life and I feel like Heaven every night.
Someone who is tired of searching their name on the internet and recieving only religion-related results, overall an awesome person, extremely intelligent and attractive
Christian searched his name on Google and ended up on the website for a local church
A person who believes that Christ is their Savior. A person who believes that Jesus of Israel was/is the Son of God and was everything He claimed to be.
Kristen was a Christian and carried her Bible everywhere she went.
a christian is someone who believes that jesus christ is the son of god and that he died for EVERYBODY'S sins. a REAL christian realizes that he/she is not perfect but tries to be more like jesus. a REAL christian wouldn't try to force their beliefs on others, so whoever thinks that obviously hasn't met a true christian. also, don't think that all christians are like george bush, cause i'm a christian and i'm not exactly a big fan of his....to say the least.
Non-Christian: So, I guess you like George Bush
Christian: Not even a little.
A boy whose nice, kind, funny, cute, and himself. Who could ask for more? He'll always be there for you no matter what happens. He can be annoying like anyone, or that you don't need him sometimes. But the absence of him drives you insane. He's been through more then you could imagine, but when your in his arms, it just feels safe because you know you have him to guide you.
But even as friends he's perfect. He will ditch even a girlfriend that tries to mess with you. You could be in love with him and see him with another girl, but as long as he's happy you're happy. Yet if he's mad at you, you feel so ashamed and as if your a burden. Over all, hes the person that you haven't lived till you see him.
When I see Christian bells ring like the sound of a moving truck backing up.
A christian is someone who has a personal relationship with God and isnt afraid to show it. It doesnt mean carrying around a bible or wearing a christian t-shirt but more of exposing the ultamite truth which is held in God's personal love letter to each individual (the bible)
A true christian doesnt say they are a christan...but they live like they are one.
Best best boyfriend a girl could ever wish for. He's considerate, caring, AMAZINGLY sweet, loving, handsome, sexy beyond belief (to sum things up). He'll come into your life when you least expect, but you'll never want him to leave once he does. He has gorgeous eyes and an amazing smile. When he holds you in his arms the world melts away. He'll turn your worst days around and make them into your best and he'll be there for you no matter what. Best thing that will ever happen to you point blank!
Christian is the Best Boyfriend Ever
a guy you can spill your guts to with no fear of anyone else finding out. the wisest idiot you have ever met. he isnt perfect, and may have made a few mistakes, but he knows it and tries to learn from it and move on. he is extremely insightful, and when you talk to him you feel like he knows exactly what you are thinking before you say it. Has the most beautiful eyes of any boy you have ever met, and you have to watch yourself so you dont end up staring.. bear hugs are always welcome, because they make you feel like you are wrapped up in love and safety no matter your current situation in life and you forget your feet are on the ground. sarcasm drips from everything he says but that just makes you adore him more. he loves music with all he is, especially hardcore. he works hard and long to provide for his future, and for that you respect him. when you need him he appears at any time of day or night. he can be full of himself and really stupid sometimes. his self-esteem level goes to the negatives and he seems to jump from girl to girl, which drives you absolutely insane, but in the end you know you will stay. he says he cares about you, but sometimes you wonder if he genuinely means it. during the hardest times of your year, you stay up late and think about your conversations. you cant help but smile. he is your guardian angel. and though the world doesnt accept him, he wants to break down the walls of stereotypes and make his mark before he goes.
christian: he doesnt love you. and you dont love him.
you:why do you say that?
christian: because we arent who we are supposed to be yet. no one is. so why fall for someone who doesnt exist?