1. Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class
and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."
2. A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the
scheduled sermon is entitled "Why God Sent AIDS to Punish
3. Put stray dogs in coat closets.
4. Un-tune the piano.
5. Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".
6. Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.
7. Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this
seat SAVED?"
8. Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at
Grateful Dead concerts.
9. Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows,
hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would
you rather be stoned or crucified?"
10. Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.
11. Start a wave.
12. Do cool things with the lighting.
13. When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G.
Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff".
14. Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.
15. When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh,
Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"
16. Make up your own words to the songs.
17. Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand
up, and say: "Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out
18. Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
19. If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF
20. Dress all in black, or in camo.
21. Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire.
Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two.
Change sets for the evening service.
22. If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and
matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress
23. At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes.
Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.
24. Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your
shoes and socks.
25. Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the
first mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in.
26. Inflate balloons, then send them off.
27. Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far
Side cartoons.
28. Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17).
Draw in asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the
29. Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.
30. Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.
31. During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone
asks what you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They
ruled the earth over 65 million years ago."
32. Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor.
Discreetly light them.
33. Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being
stoned, especially Stephen.
34. Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate
on how good it is.
35. When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece
of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
36. Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of
me," and lick them.
37. Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
38. Blow bubbles.
39. Fake a possession.
40. Distribute condoms.
41. Speak in tongues.
42. Ask where the nearest ashtray is.
43. Drool in the collection plate.
44. Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians.
After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of
45. After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish
jokes. When someone points out that Pope John Paul II came
from Poland, act embarrassed.
46. Show unusual interest in any reference to the word

47. At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of
a wristwatch embedded inside.
48. Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new
ones depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery.
Send the bill to the pastor.
49. Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon
50. Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address
of the church next Saturday at midnight.
- If you behave like a good Christian you will go to Heaven when you die.
- Well, I've been a slut all my life and I feel like Heaven every night.
by alvit May 26, 2009
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Someone who is tired of searching their name on the internet and recieving only religion-related results, overall an awesome person, extremely intelligent and attractive
Christian searched his name on Google and ended up on the website for a local church
by cvega1091 September 30, 2009
A person who believes that Christ is their Savior. A person who believes that Jesus of Israel was/is the Son of God and was everything He claimed to be.
Kristen was a Christian and carried her Bible everywhere she went.
by Krysti Auzuki May 07, 2005
A misinterpreted, misunderstood faith. as you can see in many entries below. Christianity HAS been used to do things in "The Name of God" that God would never have wanted (ie. killing your parents, raping small children and mothers, stalkers, racial segregation etc.) But to give a perfect definition of Christianity - you would have to read the New Testament of the Holy Bible and see how Jesus Christ lived. He is the perfect definition of Christianity...afterall, that's where it all started. Before judging Christians, please meet a REAL one (a down-to-earth one) to show you what it's all about. Not with words, but in their actions.
NOT A CHRISTIAN: *Person standing on a box, screaming, "YOU ARE GOING TO HELL"*.

A REAL CHRISTIAN: A person who is humble, who shows by their ACTIONS louder than their WORDS that they have something different(Jesus).
by JekkaRae June 29, 2005
A boy whose nice, kind, funny, cute, and himself. Who could ask for more? He'll always be there for you no matter what happens. He can be annoying like anyone, or that you don't need him sometimes. But the absence of him drives you insane. He's been through more then you could imagine, but when your in his arms, it just feels safe because you know you have him to guide you.
But even as friends he's perfect. He will ditch even a girlfriend that tries to mess with you. You could be in love with him and see him with another girl, but as long as he's happy you're happy. Yet if he's mad at you, you feel so ashamed and as if your a burden. Over all, hes the person that you haven't lived till you see him.
When I see Christian bells ring like the sound of a moving truck backing up.
by Whitney Delia-Bria January 31, 2009
a christian is someone who believes that jesus christ is the son of god and that he died for EVERYBODY'S sins. a REAL christian realizes that he/she is not perfect but tries to be more like jesus. a REAL christian wouldn't try to force their beliefs on others, so whoever thinks that obviously hasn't met a true christian. also, don't think that all christians are like george bush, cause i'm a christian and i'm not exactly a big fan of his....to say the least.
Non-Christian: So, I guess you like George Bush
Christian: Not even a little.
by Jimena January 17, 2008
People who follow Christ as the centre of their beliefs. They should accept that they are not perfect and that they need the love and forgiveness of Jesus to become whole again. They believe that they can have a personal relationship with Jesus.

Christians are not to be mistaken for hypocrites who follow a holier-than-thou attitude to life. Real Christians are humble and give all the praise back to Jesus.
"all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God" (Romans 3:23)
by David Bunce July 27, 2005
Best best boyfriend a girl could ever wish for. He's considerate, caring, AMAZINGLY sweet, loving, handsome, sexy beyond belief (to sum things up). He'll come into your life when you least expect, but you'll never want him to leave once he does. He has gorgeous eyes and an amazing smile. When he holds you in his arms the world melts away. He'll turn your worst days around and make them into your best and he'll be there for you no matter what. Best thing that will ever happen to you point blank!
Christian is the Best Boyfriend Ever
by Lovely112509 April 12, 2010

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