christians are believers of a faith based on little more than a 2000 year-old book that could have been written by anyone. christians believe in such scientifically impossible items/events as a virgin birth, a talking snake and a tale about a man surviving 3 days inside a fish. their religion has very little pull in reality and frankly makes little sense.

most christians are a hypocritical bunch and love to pass judgement on others even though such an act is condemned by their 'bible'. an easy example of this is their annoying tendancy to meddle in other people's sexuality when it has no effect on themselves.

christians believe that a being they call 'god' resides up in the sky and when you die, if you repent and blah blah blah you be accepted into the kindgom of heaven. if you are a sinner and do not accept christ, you are damned to 'hell' which is described as a lake of fire.

christianity, like many other religious sects or cults practises the always humble act of genocide and are more than happy to kill you because your religion doesn't match theirs. too bad christianity is just the numberless draft of the exact same story, used for the basis of almost every other religion.
(1) man: i was born gay and have finally found the courage to be honest with myself.

christian: you filthy fag, rot in hell.

(2) christian: you are a terrible person for not believing in the lord, he will smite you and such.

girl: that's funny 'cause it says right here in the bible when you judge others, you condemn yourself. enjoy 'hell'. lol.
by concerned for human kind's iq August 30, 2009

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People who believe a man with a beard floats in the sky and watches everything we do... And yes, Timmy, that includes you; No more masturbating.
J-Dizzle: Yo, i'm christian.
T-Dawg: That's stupid.
by Vanilla Bear 2 December 31, 2009

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n. A Christian is someone who believes an omnipresent omnibenevolent deity exists who understands and comprehends everything in all of it's intricacies, no matter how small or mundane. Perhaps more miraculous than the being itself is the unwavering denial, even in the wake of 9/11, and Slavery, and the Holocaust, and the child sex rings in Cambodia, and the dark ages, and the use of an atomic bomb...twice...on civilians.
"Police say a Forrest City, Arkansas man has been charged with raping his 8 day-old baby."

Child: Mom why did the man hurt the baby?

Mother: Well sweety, the baby simply didn't pray hard enough, if the baby had been a good christian and taken notes, not only would it have avoided rape, but would be rich and peeing on underage girls like that upstanding R. Kelly fellow. That man can pray, and it shows! *sigh* It's good to know that there's a force of perfect good keeping everything in balance
by Ignorancekills August 24, 2009

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People who use a religion called "Christianity" to cover up one or more personal weaknesses/flaws. Christians are often associated with racism, homophobia, and child molestation.
by Bad_Religion March 31, 2005

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One who believes in a being who stands behind a wall no one can see through, and decides whether or not to torture you forever based on if you can guess what color shirt he is wearing.
A Christian will assure you that hell is a justifiable punishment for sin, without realizing that arbitrary blind faith is the reason their god actually decides whether or not to send you there.
by Josh V January 14, 2009

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One who believes that the god intelligent and impressive enough to have created the beauty and mystery of life, love, and the physical laws behind our existence is the same being that is going to send most of the people that ever existed to an eternity of torturous punishment because they had the wrong ideas regarding the unknowable and unseeable make sense to them.
George W Bush is a Christian. Enough said.
by Urban Dictionary September 13, 2007

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A person who believes a person named Jesus died because he claimed he was God, and supposedly came back to life by unexplained scientific means. Their religious text "The Bible" is divided into two parts, each one contradicts the other. They also share the first half of "The Bible" with the Jewish faith, however they disagree with most of it.

In some weird fashion, Christians identify their Deity (God) as three people in one, explained below.

Jesus- The son, God is somehow his child.
God- The father. Weird.
Ghost- The third part, which we really never hear about but plays a huge role in our "salvation".

Christians are usually identified by their social nature, their biblical teaching tells them to love on another and constantly spread the word of Christ (The Bible). Pretty much Christians are recognized because they are complete assholes, or pussies. Generally the kid who sits at lunch hall alone, and cries at break period. Be wary, if you associate with them they will probaby shove the word down your throat.
Christian: Hello, Good sir! I would like to share the word of Christ, who is also God and the Holy Ghost at the same time!
Person: .....What?

God: Jesus, I am your father's nephew's uncles brother's sister's brother's father's son.
Jesus: I know, for Christianity is the most clear text in the universe. I wrote it!

Parent: You must believe in Christ, or else we will disown you!
Child: But Mom.....!
Parents: Silence! You must be stoned to death for disobedience! (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
by Desperate Advisor October 31, 2010

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