To perform a proper Canada's History, you will need one each of the following: balloon, gerbil, Canadian transvestite, hockey stick, maple leaf, (2) homosexual males, wide mouthed maple
syrup bottle (half full), large funnel and family sized tub of Vaseline.
Engage in vaginal sex with the transvestite using the hockey stick (with whichever end floats your boat) hard enough to induce vaginal flatulence (queef) and using your mouth, capture these "queefs" and transfer them to the balloon until it is softball sized. Using the funnel and as much Vaseline as necessary (read: possible) insert the gerbil and balloon, in that order, into Homosexual A's ass. Have homosexual B (to prevent a Hate Crime) strike Homosexual A in the lower abdomen with the hockey stick with sufficient force to puncture the balloon causing the keistered gerbil to asphyxiate on the contents of that balloon.
Excrete the contents of Homosexual A's rectum onto the maple leaf. Discard the punctured balloon. Wrap the gerbil securely in the maple leaf and deposit into the half full, wide mouthed maple syrup jar. Let stand 4-6 hours, serve warm over pancakes.
syrup bottle (half full), large funnel and family sized tub of Vaseline.
Engage in vaginal sex with the transvestite using the hockey stick (with whichever end floats your boat) hard enough to induce vaginal flatulence (queef) and using your mouth, capture these "queefs" and transfer them to the balloon until it is softball sized. Using the funnel and as much Vaseline as necessary (read: possible) insert the gerbil and balloon, in that order, into Homosexual A's ass. Have homosexual B (to prevent a Hate Crime) strike Homosexual A in the lower abdomen with the hockey stick with sufficient force to puncture the balloon causing the keistered gerbil to asphyxiate on the contents of that balloon.
Excrete the contents of Homosexual A's rectum onto the maple leaf. Discard the punctured balloon. Wrap the gerbil securely in the maple leaf and deposit into the half full, wide mouthed maple syrup jar. Let stand 4-6 hours, serve warm over pancakes.
The Canadian equivalent to a Waffle House has a suspicious, indescript building behind it offering a free Canada's History with the purchase of any Canadian national culture magazine.
by hatchet_comedy February 13, 2010
1. American slang referring to the most vile sex act imaginable.
2. A Canadian magazine formerly known as: "The Beaver," Canada's oldest pornographic magazine which is now being made even pornier by having its name changed to: "Canada's History."
3. A canadian pornographic magazine used to promote a sex act involving moose antlers, maple syrup, and the stanley cup.
2. A Canadian magazine formerly known as: "The Beaver," Canada's oldest pornographic magazine which is now being made even pornier by having its name changed to: "Canada's History."
3. A canadian pornographic magazine used to promote a sex act involving moose antlers, maple syrup, and the stanley cup.
by TheHappyIntern February 5, 2010
Canad's History is a most vile of sexual act, performed only on special occasions. i.e. Birthdays, Bank Holidays, Boxer Day.
It all starts when the man puts on a Stephen Colbert Mask, comes up to the woman and tells her it is time to "prepare for some truthiness, eh?" This means its on.
Next the man Covers himself, while still wearing the mask, in pure Canadian maple syrup. He pays special attention to his genitals, here. He then inserts himself into the womans anus, who is wearing a Canadian Mountie uniform. Then he inserts his testicles in the womans' vagina. While everything is tucked in there, the woman then defecates, making the mans penis look like a Canadian Maple tree log. After this, the man takes a boot, and smacks the woman in the back of the head until he ejaculates, or until she says "aboot".
After all is said and done, they sing the Canadian Anthem together.
It all starts when the man puts on a Stephen Colbert Mask, comes up to the woman and tells her it is time to "prepare for some truthiness, eh?" This means its on.
Next the man Covers himself, while still wearing the mask, in pure Canadian maple syrup. He pays special attention to his genitals, here. He then inserts himself into the womans anus, who is wearing a Canadian Mountie uniform. Then he inserts his testicles in the womans' vagina. While everything is tucked in there, the woman then defecates, making the mans penis look like a Canadian Maple tree log. After this, the man takes a boot, and smacks the woman in the back of the head until he ejaculates, or until she says "aboot".
After all is said and done, they sing the Canadian Anthem together.
DUDE, I was reading Beaver magazine, and it talked about the old "Canada's History" technique.
Damn bro, thats nast.
Damn bro, thats nast.
by Jon Rochester February 5, 2010
A sexual game wherein a Canadian woman no taller than 134.6 cm is place inside the Stanley Cup and hides a hockey puck deep within her neither regions. She then covers herself with maple syrup, places a toboggan (nee took) on her head, and slaps on a curlicue villain mustachio. Her partner must then cook 15 flapjacks, wear a lumberjack shirt, strap on snowshoes, and equip himself with as many used sweaty jockstraps of the Ottawa Senators as possible. Using the hot flapjacks he must remove the maple syrup, stuffing each one up his rear as they become saturated. After this task is finished, he will use his grapthrork (moose antlers attached to the forearm of a bear) to dig out the hockey puck. The female then preforms tugjobs on the male until he fills the entire Stanley Cup. The contents of the cup are then served to the local retirement home with the ass pancakes the next morning.
Did you hear that Jean Micheal and Joan Michelle were busy sharing Canada's History with the retirees at Shady Acres this morning? I hear it took them 12 hours to get everything together.
by Le Beuf February 5, 2010
Canada's History is a slang term for the space between a post-menopausal woman's breasts, implying their age and worthlessness. Often heard of in geriatric pornography or when encountering cougars at the bar.
by The Jersey Rat February 5, 2010
Inspired by the great Stephen Colbert, Canada's History is a depraved sex act in which a gigantic moose head is mounted over the stanley cup and then used as a seat for the female during intimate times. Then Grade A Canadian Maple syrup is poured over the private parts of the loving couple for extra sweet lubrication. Finally the contents which spill into the Stanley Cup during copulation are consumed at the the end of the festivities with a hardy yelp of "HOW'S ABOOT THAT CANADIAN HISTORY?!". An oil painted portrait of Stephen Colbert hung next to the moose head is optional.
-"Dude I had to take aboot five showers to get the sticky off from that crazy Canada's History last night."
-"I pulled off the nastiest Canada's History with your mom last night."
-"Thank god for Stephen Colbert or we would not have Canada's History."
-"I pulled off the nastiest Canada's History with your mom last night."
-"Thank god for Stephen Colbert or we would not have Canada's History."
by SarahPalinMadeCaribouExtinct February 5, 2010
according to Stephen Colbert, "A depraved American sexual act involving moose antlers, maple syrup, and the Stanley Cup"
by TheBeaver. February 5, 2010