Booty fever, or glutealpyrexia, is a condition characterized by an intense, often destructive mental fixation on "the booty." A classic clinical example of a patient with booty fever is a male who has been in the presence of multiple well-endowed females for a prolonged period of time. Symptoms of booty fever include, but are not limited to, the following: increased heart rate, flushing of the skin, sweating, decreased motor control, impaired cognition, vomiting, and unwanted erections. In rare cases, booty fever presents similarly to an absence seizure, involving a brief, sudden lapse of consciousness in which the individual looks like he or she is staring into space for a few seconds. Studies have shown that 100% of males have suffered from booty fever at some time, though the data on females are less conclusive. There is no cure for booty fever. Experimental graduated-interval booty-exposure therapies have been researched; however, exposure to the pathogenic booty often worsens the condition. If you believe you have symptoms of booty fever, please consult a (preferably male) physician immediately.
*A group of friends talks over lunch.*
John: "Hey, have you guys seen Troy? Feel like I haven't seen him in a minute."
Max: "Dude, didn't you hear? He's, like, the only guy in that one nursing class of his..."
Nick: "I hear his section has over 500 people..."
John: *staring into space, horrified* "No, it can't be..."
Max: "It is..."
*pause*
All three, in unison: "Booty fever."
John: "Hey, have you guys seen Troy? Feel like I haven't seen him in a minute."
Max: "Dude, didn't you hear? He's, like, the only guy in that one nursing class of his..."
Nick: "I hear his section has over 500 people..."
John: *staring into space, horrified* "No, it can't be..."
Max: "It is..."
*pause*
All three, in unison: "Booty fever."
by drunkenuncle October 14, 2015