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2.
A groovy, tasty cake. Sort of rocks. Also an expletive with a very, very narrow band of users.
'Oh holy fucking battenburg, man - my life is down the plughole'

'No, it was battenburg seepage'
by I Ate The World September 29, 2005
 
1.
A bizarre sexual practice found only in retirement homes. As nursing staff are generally unwilling to assist, participants must make imaginative use of the equipment in the disabled toilet.

TV researchers have dedicated a disproportionate amount of time to this activity, mysteriously without ever airing any of the results.
"Are you ready for a bit of Battenburg, Thora?"

"You're a filthy fucker Alan!"

"Yes I am, but that wasn't a 'no', was it..."
by JD_12345 October 04, 2012