Once in a while I want to thank all the people in the US who have taken the time and trouble to send me their email chain letters all year round.
Actually I want to thank them for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of their concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. In fact, I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be surprised by Anthrax powder. Nor do I attend movies any longer for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since the delivery people are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I always wear rubber gloves when opening my mail in order to avoid the deadly Klingerman virus that starts out with severe dysentery. I never keep my car windows open at a stoplight for fear of a Spunkball that would be thrown inside that could cause a large, deadly fire.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. Thanks to them, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (I don't remember that in the Bible.) I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program. Yes, I want to thank all of them soooo much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!
If they don't send another e-mail chain letter to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on their heads head this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician! Honest!
Actually I want to thank them for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of their concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. In fact, I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be surprised by Anthrax powder. Nor do I attend movies any longer for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since the delivery people are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I always wear rubber gloves when opening my mail in order to avoid the deadly Klingerman virus that starts out with severe dysentery. I never keep my car windows open at a stoplight for fear of a Spunkball that would be thrown inside that could cause a large, deadly fire.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. Thanks to them, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (I don't remember that in the Bible.) I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program. Yes, I want to thank all of them soooo much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!
If they don't send another e-mail chain letter to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on their heads head this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician! Honest!
by alvit May 14, 2009
When she retired she mailed her ancient workplace, but didn't get her job back because they were brown letters.
by skyjuice December 31, 2009
the letter 5 i5 my favourite letter ever in the whole world 5o 5ome people think that 5 i5 s but it i5 not 5 i5 much better
by nyancadz April 19, 2017
M-I-crooked letta-crooked letta-I-crooked letta-crooked letta-I-hump back-hump back-I
by some polak September 4, 2004
A spam letter that says if you don't send this letter to X number of people within X number of minutes something bad will happen to you. If you do send it then something good will happen to you (despending on what kind of chain letter it is)
1.Post this on ten other message boards and your wish will come true! Proven!
2.If you don't e-mail this to ten other people you will have bad luck for the rest of forever.
3.Proven! Send this to ten other people and you WILL be in trouble!
2.If you don't e-mail this to ten other people you will have bad luck for the rest of forever.
3.Proven! Send this to ten other people and you WILL be in trouble!
by Newbia April 27, 2004
A letter, often containing a story, that promises something good if sent to x people (or in the case of MySpace, reposted) in y minutes, and often comes with a consequence if not reposted.
These are very popular on MySpace, and in some cases chain letters threaten account deletion if not reposted. They are very annoying and clutter up the bulletins.
These letters are NOT TRUE. Trust me; I've ignored various chain letters with something along the lines of "repost or you will die" and I'm still alive and well. If I do die, it will have nothing to do with a chain letter.
These are very popular on MySpace, and in some cases chain letters threaten account deletion if not reposted. They are very annoying and clutter up the bulletins.
These letters are NOT TRUE. Trust me; I've ignored various chain letters with something along the lines of "repost or you will die" and I'm still alive and well. If I do die, it will have nothing to do with a chain letter.
<Random person A> I got one of those chain letters. If I don't repost this by midnight tonight then I apparantly will be killed off by a ghost. What do I do?
<Random person B> Ignore it. Whoever made that is trying to clutter up e-mail servers.
<Random person B> Ignore it. Whoever made that is trying to clutter up e-mail servers.
by gs68 May 16, 2005
Here's a chain letter I recieved today:
there was a girl named gween tea she went to take a crap and she sharted out a nuclear bomb every one died if u don’t send this to 200 billion people in 1 second gween tea will come and shit on your head.
there was a girl named gween tea she went to take a crap and she sharted out a nuclear bomb every one died if u don’t send this to 200 billion people in 1 second gween tea will come and shit on your head.
by MyNameIsChloeeee July 11, 2010