mattress-magnetism

A strong/intense EMF-field that emanates from your bed-springs; said powerful field creates a debilitating "pull" on the iron in your blood and thus makes it very hard for you to get out of bed, especially on those occasions when it is absolutely necessary for you to do so, such as when it's time to get ready for work, you "need to pee real bad", the telephone or doorbell rings, someone else in the household (child, pet, elderly house-guest, etc.) urgently requires your assistance, etc.

I am firmly convinced dat there is a great conspiracy among Sealy, Serta, and da other major mattress-manufacturers to intentionally create mattresses that mess with your body and cause you to feel groggy and heavy when trying to lift your head up off da pillow. Perhaps they specifically design their mattresses' coil-springs to act like magnetic coils that harness the earth's magnetic field and then create a strong magnetic pull on your iron-rich blood, this "mattress-magnetism" is why it's often such a gargantuan struggle to raise yerself off da sheets.

by QuacksO January 31, 2019

Fast Mattress

Getting laid as fast as possible.

If you want some fast mattress you gotta use Tinder.

by jSalty January 12, 2019

Mattress Tag

When someone is useless like so many matress tags that serve no purpose except to be torn off.

Jill is such a mattress Tag, she gets nothing done.

by Jasonbasinmason July 01, 2020

Missouri mattress

When you (Jack-off) on your brown recluse bite and then rub shit in it.

Supervisor : Bobby was late for work again.

Boss: yeah he needs to deal with that Missouri mattress or he's not gonna make the quotas.

by PhantomEagle November 24, 2023

Mattress huffer

AKA pillow biter. A homosexual male.

"Ayo, did you hear Jeremy came out the closet? Lowkey mattress huffer."

by Illadelphg2 July 03, 2025

Mattress Monster

A Mattress Monster is a fat and or butt ugly broad who likes rough and dirty sex and is likely to be infected with multiple varieties of crotch rot.

Dude 1: "Hey man, that broad's hot. I'd do her so hard her grandmother would cum!"
Dude 2: "Oh man! That's sick, you couldn't pay me to stick my dick in that fucking mattress monster. She looks like the love child of Roseanne Barr and Caitlyn Jenner!

by Nubian_Mattress_Monster July 16, 2016

Discord Mattress

A discord mattress is when a female of a discord server engages in sexual intercourse with more than one member of the discord in real life.

Ashley had sex with 4 guys from our discord server, Total discord mattress.

by TheWhittyOne September 08, 2023