the waste of life who sits in a stand for 8 hrs a day. sometimes with no break. bitching about how the job is so hard when no one ever comes swimming there and all the life guard does is eat and burn things and talk shit on other people over the walkeeeeee talkeeeeeee
by Anonymous March 25, 2003
When someone is sleeping, quietly pull your pants down and wipe your ass with the bridge of their nose. This will make the poop stain on their nose resemble the lotion lifeguards usual wear.
When you think of a lifeguard you can picture the white suntan lotion on his nose, now replace the lotion with turd from your buttcrack.
by Jesus Toast February 28, 2008
Person at a party designated to remain sober and handle any activities the extreme state of intoxication of the other party guests render them unable to perform. Activities such as working the TV and/or DVD player, ordering drunk food, collecting car keys, cleaning up food/discarded clothing/spilled beer/vomit, preventing (or breaking up) fights, and talking to the police/security/neighbors.
A person whose job it is to facilitate a good time while at the same time preventing people from ending up in either jail or the hospital.
A secondary function of the lifeguard is to provide a supplement to facebook memory by providing a coherent record of the events of the party to everyone else the following morning. Thus providing guests with a person to whom they can pose the question "What the fuck did I do last night?"
A person whose job it is to facilitate a good time while at the same time preventing people from ending up in either jail or the hospital.
A secondary function of the lifeguard is to provide a supplement to facebook memory by providing a coherent record of the events of the party to everyone else the following morning. Thus providing guests with a person to whom they can pose the question "What the fuck did I do last night?"
Nick: "Who's lifeguard tonight?"
Jay: "Greg's got it"
Nick: "I'm jonzing for some fuckin' wings"
Jay: "dude, get the lifeguard to order some"
Nick: "What the fuck did I do last night?"
Lifeguard: "You tried to jump off the fucking balcony 'cause you thought you could fly"
Jay: "Greg's got it"
Nick: "I'm jonzing for some fuckin' wings"
Jay: "dude, get the lifeguard to order some"
Nick: "What the fuck did I do last night?"
Lifeguard: "You tried to jump off the fucking balcony 'cause you thought you could fly"
by DamianKain April 7, 2008
A person that sits around on stand that's fucking hot and gets amazingly, perfectly tanned all day, wears the fanny pack with grace, blows that whistle how it should be blown ;), runs around in slow mo, lives for thunderstorms and save lives like a goddamn G. Best job in the whole world.
you: My friend shawn is a lifeguard.
me: Oooh child, he must be gettin all dem chicks with his money, tan.. and the ability to blow whistles with his mouth to mouth abilities ;)
me: Oooh child, he must be gettin all dem chicks with his money, tan.. and the ability to blow whistles with his mouth to mouth abilities ;)
by hdubb August 7, 2010
A new show on YouTube especially naming two main characters named Alex Sniper and Steven Barrington.
by Alex Sniper June 23, 2010
The sexual act of the man having an orgasm on the woman's nose and then spreading it around, like a lifeguard would wear sunscreen.
by E.A.W.D.mike February 8, 2009
A twat who feels there are smm (So much more) they lifeguard for the goverment, who are left wing extremists. They also watch small children in the kiddies pool.
*Man is watching a childs football match of which he has no relation to any players*
Trevor: "You such a council lifeguard it's unreal"
Man: It's true"
Trevor: "You such a council lifeguard it's unreal"
Man: It's true"
by Beanhead95 June 2, 2011