A text message hand job is when you are getting the "run around" from friends or family thru text messages. When you call no one answers or the reception is said to be very bad or they are in a dead zone.
Tom: hey billy,I tried texting todd and sue to see what they are doing tonite, but they text back they aren't sure, todds gonna check with sue, and then sue told me she's gotta check with todd. typical saturday night text message hand job !
billy: fuck them man! lets get some bank and hit the strip club, nothing but real handjobs going on there !
Tom: Hells Yeah ! !
billy: fuck them man! lets get some bank and hit the strip club, nothing but real handjobs going on there !
Tom: Hells Yeah ! !
by Jack de wack February 3, 2009
When you haven't been touching your penis enough, God steps in and helps you out. Also known as "Wet Dream"
I woke up last night with my bed stained, from that hand job from God. I really need to get laid, or jerk off more.
or
Guy1: Yea I got lucky last night
Guy2: Your hand doesn't count
Guy1: Got a handjob from God, just gotta do laundry now.
or
Guy1: Yea I got lucky last night
Guy2: Your hand doesn't count
Guy1: Got a handjob from God, just gotta do laundry now.
by Maggot11 January 9, 2012
When a hella kinky girl decides to suck on a guys finger instead of going after the shaft giving the guy a real hand job. The girl is normally super horny and especially good after a good sucking lips session. Then to really spice it up and to give the girl some gravy throw some hot sauce on the finger to get the girl really going. Warning: Girls please stop if finger starts to get. pruney
by Bobby Light Senior January 2, 2010
(n) the painfully sexual act performed on a male by a completely sadistic or manly lover most likely a softball player, resulting in emotional scarring, severe burns and skin loss.
That dirty trailer skunk that I picked up at the bowling ally gave me such a sand paper hand job that I bled through my jeans.
by Dr. Thunder Dix December 26, 2011
When a girl of African or mexican descent eats a whole bag of hot Cheetos then proceeds to give you a hand job with the hot Cheeto dust on her fingers.
by Pallelo pallelo August 14, 2021
While a man is receiving oral sex from a woman, in the last moments right before ejaculation.
The lady, gently cups the testicles of her gentleman friend with her left hand and then with much force,
punches his scrotum with her right fist at the moment of climax. Timing is everything.
The resulting painful pleasure, is the Detroit Hand Job.
The lady, gently cups the testicles of her gentleman friend with her left hand and then with much force,
punches his scrotum with her right fist at the moment of climax. Timing is everything.
The resulting painful pleasure, is the Detroit Hand Job.
She finished me off with a Detroit Hand Job!
by Supersexyrobot September 16, 2013
A Georgia Girl Hand-Job is when a girl who does not know how to give a hand job, plays rock, paper, scissors with a penis. Usually this jostles the balls and causes extreme pleasure and pain. The female will most likely win. The male will usually slap her with his penis afterwards and call her a harlot because she is bad at giving handjobs.
Dude 1-Oh my gosh, last night this chick game me a Georgia Girl Hand-Job
Dude 2- No way bro, is your junk allright?
Dude 1- Not really, she won.
Dude 2- No way bro, is your junk allright?
Dude 1- Not really, she won.
by Linda has a penis on her leg September 24, 2011