Hard man ('Ard man), more scientifically known as tracksuits retardus, is a general tough
guy who roams around looking for trouble cos he is just so
hard. The 5 rules of being an 'ard man are -
1) You MUST not have a school bag
2) You MUST ALWAYS
spit
3) You MUST ALWAYS swear
4) You MUST have a fundamental inability to walk without rolling your arms in suspicious patterns to look 'ard
5) You MUST have a rock 'ard shaved
head.
Extra bonuses to being an 'ard man can include -
- Wearing a baseball cap at 90 degrees (Fake burberry if possible)
- Having a compulsive disorder to hating
people who express individuality
- End your sentences with "So I was
like fuckin..." (Don't say anything else after the ...)
- Hating any form of black clothes
- Eating nails as part of a nutritious breakfast
- Listenin to DIZTRUXHUN, UPRISING, HELTA SKELTA or any of the
like.
- Having a nickname such as "Gaz", "Baz", "Jubba", "Staples" etc, etc.
- Wearing cheap jewellry, such as large fake
diamond earrings, more better known as pling
- Driving a
nova
- Frequently dropping
words into your sentences such as "Buzzin", "
Banging", "Geeza", "Innit", "Sorted", "Raspin'" and "Waaaaaa"
- Address non 'ard men with terms such as "Dick 'ed"
'Ard men are usually found grazing their natural habitats. Don't be mistaken, these guys are ROCK ARD. They
may look harmless, but seriously, there is no one cooler, or should I say "MORE BUZZIN" than these guys.
Don't be fooled, the stench of stale smoke, the cheap and excessively used jewellry, the baseball cap at a 90 degree angle are all SERIOUSLY COOL TRAITS OF AN ARD MAN.
If you see an 'ard man, DO NOT APPROACH HIM, COS BELIEVE ME, HE IS ARD so you "best get runnin", really.
"Arigh' m8, last nigh' were fuckin buzzin, we were
like darn station gettin stoned n tha', n then i 'ad sum cider wiv rest of krew innit"
"Waaa, buzzin man, I got this ring
like, it's
like gold but if you rub it a bit it goes silver, so its
like fuckiiin two fa' price a' one innit? i was
like fuckin..."
"Fuuuuck, ya' know what your doin' when it comes down ta' bling dont ya, fuckin..."
"Waaaa, shut up dick 'ed"
<Normal person walks by> "Shut up hard man. You are scum."
It is at this point that the normal person gets bashed in cos ard men are just too plain ard and they'll get you in the end.
