Gudaism

Gudaism is the religion and philosophy chiefly centering around a great man, known to his followers as Jimsus Gust. Some estimates put the number of followers of Gudaism as none, eight, twenty-one, 1348, or in the most liberal of estimates, the entire population of the known universe. This earns Gudaism the rather dubious distinction of being simulaneously the smallest, second-smallest, third-smallest, and largest religion in the world.

Tenets of Gudaism

No one is quite sure exactly what the tenets of Gudaism are, although different sources will offer different opinions as to what they think the "correct" interpretation of Gudaism is. Some followers say vagueness this is in fact one of the essential components of Gudaism, adding to its mystique, as well as enhancing individual expression, universal appeal, and a good helping of chaos. Some have even ventured to claim that Gudaism is actually a hoax and in fact is a huge, overblown joke. These people have largely been defamed as lunatics; some have been placed in insane asylums, while others have been found dead under mysterious circumstances.

Important People in Gudaism

Jimsus Gust - Worshipped as lord and savior.
Anti-Gust - The bane of all that is good in the world. Presides over the melancholy, dank hell known as Forestview High School. Rumored to have the strength of four men. Has attempted on numerous occasions to assassinate Jimsus Gust. Known by some as the Whore of Babylon, although he steadfastly maintains that the title belongs to someone else.
Prophet - Voice of Jimsus Gust to the world at large. Rumored to be continually speaking of an imaginary friend by the name of "Big Brother," and a chief proponent of the use of religious icons.
Mary Magdalene - Curiously, shares a name with another ecclesiastical figure, as well as several traits. Anointed Jimsus Gust's feet with ointment, although some have claimed that word "ointment" was perhaps the result of a mistranslation. The Magdalene is rumored to be one of the co-founders of Gudaism, although the name of the other founder is lost to time. However, recently, evidence has emerged which suggests that the other founder shared a name with a certain celebrity volleyball.
Second Prophet - No information is known of this as-yet nonexistent figure.

Jimsus Gust! is the one we worship when we speak of the great movement of Gudaism

Gudaism by Ian S, one of the worshippers April 20, 2006

Grudaism 

Grudaism is the belief and philosophy that Gru Supreme helped the Flying Spaghetti Monster create the universe. However, people started forgetting Gru, making him lose his power, turning into Felonius Gru. However, once he consumes all of the Minion Stones, he says his signature catchphrase, “Bye bye, Gorls!” And assumes his upgraded form, Absolute Gru. Also, if you seduce Gru enough, he turns back into his prime form, Gru Supreme.

Gorls, your resistance against Grudaism is futile.

Grudaism by Stefán Multiverse September 21, 2019