Noun: Believed to be an otherworldly being or entity by some, and by others to be an incomprehensible force who's nature knows no true form. If I
may summon the words of 17th century philosopher, Sir David Tompkins, who's brief
definition effectively summarizes this abstract concept: "The Grinder is everything that is." Whatever the
case, one thing is for certain: the Grinder and its existence
will never be fully understood by mere mortals such as ourselves.
However, much less mystery surrounds the purpose of the Grinder. It is widely accepted that the Grinder's sole function is to select the victims for and to determine the exact date of future Grindings. The Grinder works in mysterious ways, but a
Grinding is often awarded to the perpetrator of some
evil deed.
The actual act of
grinding is performed with ritualistic precision with both efficiency and speed. Henchmen of the grinder must quickly surround he who is to be Grinded and strike him in any manner in the upper body for approximately 20 seconds (headshots are not allowed and
may get you Grinded). The Grindee is then released from the Grinder and the act is considered sufficient reparation for the wrongdoing in question.
Travis: Hey, guys! I accidentally kicked the
hack into
the bush!
David: The Grinder has spoken. To the grinder with him!
(
group advances on Travis and consumes him)
Travis: no! noooooooooooooo!
