A woman so complete in her capacity to fulfill every man's deepest desires that a mere smile from her in person would whiteout your entire bucket list.
When I saw Lauren Francesca in that sun dress in CHASING THE KISS with Walter Masterson I knew she was forever more my bucket list babe.
The end all of feminine Super Heroes, Endorphin Girl fights unhappiness, depression, aches and pains and basically anything that doesn't feel like your entire body has just burst through the event horizon of a black hole at a final climactic radar gun read of 187,000 miles per second only to discover that beyond the speed of perfect love lies an alternate universe with a full cooler of ice cold anything you desire to quench the sweet lava like oozing fire in your love parched throat as well as hot bags of tacos, buffalo wings and Fritos, with nary a complaint about crumbs or eating in bed, followed by the nap of the millennium and a wake up full body massage.
Lauren Francesca's YouTube Channel launch on Valentine's Day, 2011 has convinced me that she is the only super hero woman who can save me, Endorphin Girl.. I'm at total peace with the planet, man..
A woman so gorgeous that other women would give up chocolate for life to look half as good just for a shot at a fat, smelly millionaire with a heart condition.
I bet Lauren Francesca is better than chocolate even with her hair in curlers.
Subset of "human rights activists." Someone willing to take a slap in the face or worse for a joke or funny remark with minimal to zero regard to the political correctness and or offensive strength of said humor, as defined in "Declarations of the Overseers of Humor Rights," (DOH, Right), caretakers: the OneCent.US Group of Companies.
Note: "Humor Rights Activists" make up less than 1% of adult humans, not to be confused with "humor rights advocate" which is just someone who will laugh at anything over the top but deny it later, basically the other 99%, friggin' hypocrites.
DOH Right! is the self appointed and undisputed (actually, no one cares) worldwide standard setting body for humor advocacy on six of the seven world continents, its only area of non-jurisdiction on Earth is Antarctica, where it's so friggin' cold that it's damn near impossible to laugh at anything except what a twit you are for signing up to do ANYTHING there.
Otherwise? the following is an excerpt from the DOH Right! "F.E.I.T.C.T.A.J," (you figure out that acronym yourself, hint, the "J" stands for JOKE. If you can't figure it out? Read on not. You are not ready.) Safe Humor International Techniques (S.H.I.... oops..) chapter on evaluating a situation wherever you are on the globe based on your GPS coordinates as to whether or not telling a particular joke to a given audience demographic is likely to get you:
a) a free beer
d) vilified in public, adored behind closed doors.
Lenny Bruce may have been the first widely known humor rights activist. George Carlin, some say, will never be matched, nor Richard Pryor. Today's stand up comics have it easy, though broadcast TV still hangs on the 7 words, but its final demise, any minute now PLEASE, please adjust for time zone, we're on the Right Coast, California long caved to sucking up to the wounded special interest groups that get idiotic laws against insulting anyone, and sure to pass to require Beano be served with any salad containing cucumbers or radishes, and fugeddaboudit if you let one slip in Church and some kid laughs, as that will be considered a form of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.) Repeat offenders will have to register when they move into an area and will not be permitted to leave the house without a cork.
Current Humor Rights Activists:
(American actors and comics) Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, (Irish comic) Ed Byrne, (NYC's) (viral video hottie) Lauren Francesca, (actor/producer/comedian) Walter Masterson, (veteran comedy writer, producer and spiritual healer) Jeffrey Gurian, (coppin' "stayles") Derek DeAngelis and just to show you we're not biased in the least, a lone stray from San Francisco, though he's really Panamanian, so there, Renaldo Manuel Ricketts (aka GOX), who is hard to categorize.
These people are all fine examples of one fundamental fact of the human condition, that being:
"You can get away with anything if you're funny enough." Now who said THAT?
Why Lauren Francesca is clear cause to stop counting votes for woman of the millennium 989 years early.
1) Recent photo shoot of Lauren Francesca hugging her dog, "Georgie Boy," people at the dog park are confusing the pooch with "Hey, look! It's LUCKY DOG!"
2) Lauren Francesca sends a sign to evolution's amusement park that the train ride is over & the hot caboose is not the only attraction
3) Lauren Francesca proves that no amount of pain, misery or unhappiness is worth dying for, just think of all the times you prayed for merciful death prior to first seeing her
4) Lauren Francesca's banned from vacationing near the Arctic Circle for fear of resultant global warming
5) Movie set janitors tie razors to and flail brooms for dibs to sweep the cutting room floor while her movies are being edited
6) When Lauren Francesca cries those black tears in Los Campesinos! "Romance Is Boring" (dir Alex de Campi), licorice whip sales spike like an EKG during Jack Nicholson's electroshock therapy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
7) Lauren Francesca has to wear wide brimmed hats if doves fly overhead. Yhey're pissed she can tie an olive branch in a knot with no hands
8) Rumors Lady Gaga will go as Lauren Francesca for Halloween.
9) 1st week LaurenFrancescaFanClub.com was up requests for locks of her hair warranted buying a Sinead O'Connor wig.
10) With Lauren Francesca having two X chromosomes, it's impossible to get PG-13 rating for movies with her in it if script mentions DNA.
"Who did you like better in that Lauren Francesca short film CHASING THE KISS, Walter Masterson or Michael 'Pyro' Araujo?"
"I thought I saw some other people in that movie. If you say so. I sorta blocked a lot out when she gets lifted up and.. NO NO!!!! kisses!!! I'm down to two grief counseling sessions a week though. Still not allowed on YouTube, dammit.