Their supporters all live in London, and they play their home fixtures in a theme park.
They sook because people sing about Munich, but are happy to sing about Arsene Wenger being a paedophile every time he goes there.
They fork out outrageous amounts of money for players who turn out not to be that good (Michael Carrick).
95% of their supporters live overseas and know jack shit about them, yet profess to a long-standing love of 'their team'
Their manager is the most pig-headed bastard to ever inhabit a technical area, who never sees an incident where a United player dives or does one of their typically scummy tackles, but is always prepared to get stuck right into other teams whenever someone gets tough on one of his players.
Typical Manchester United Fan 1:"Who is Matt Busby?"
Typical Manchester United Fan 2:"I don't know, maybe he's the groundskeeper"
Have enjoyed unprecedented success of late, thanks mainly to the deep pockets of a Russian tyrant, tax-evader and probable human-rights abuser Roman Abramovich.
Generally known for buying ridiculous amounts of players for ridiculous amounts of money, such as paying 21 million pounds for Shaun Wright-Phillips.
They used to play decent football in the days of Ranieri, Vially and Zola, but have since managed to alienate the entire footballing community, thanks in the main to the unsportsmanlike and aloof behaviour from types such as Jose Mourinho and Didier Drogba.
Supporters are typically racist and die a little bit every time an African player runs out for the Blues.
Generally, fans console themselves by saying things such as:"Oh well, At least we're not Manchester United"
Chelsea fan #1:"Where are we playing tonight?"
Chelsea fan #2:"St. Petersburg, I think"