A Russian club who are based in North London.
Have enjoyed unprecedented success of late, thanks mainly to the deep pockets of a Russian tyrant, tax-evader and probable human-rights abuser Roman Abramovich.
Generally known for buying ridiculous amounts of players for ridiculous amounts of money, such as paying 21 million pounds for Shaun Wright-Phillips.
They used to play decent football in the days of Ranieri, Vially and Zola, but have since managed to alienate the entire footballing community, thanks in the main to the unsportsmanlike and aloof behaviour from types such as Jose Mourinho and Didier Drogba.
Supporters are typically racist and die a little bit every time an African player runs out for the Blues.
Generally, fans console themselves by saying things such as:"Oh well, At least we're not Manchester United"
Chelsea fan #1:"Where are we playing tonight?"
Chelsea fan #2:"St. Petersburg, I think"