scorpionmintred's definitions

Count Von Pennies

A proper noun used in place of calling someone "Jewish" for being cheap.

Sarcasm Master: "Why don't you spring for the large fries, Count Von Pennies?"

by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003

Ape Wellington

1. (n.) The ape whom once conquered hot-air-ballooning, as only man had previously done.

2. (v.) The act of, upon ejaculating into a woman of ill-repute, jamming as many bananas as possible into her vagina. The man then whips out a spoon, takes a scoop, and offers the woman a serving of the mashed bananas. She then declines, and runs from the room screaming. The man then consumes the spoonful, takes his briefcase, and leaves.

"God Bless that Ape Wellington for showing us all that extremely boring balloon flight is possible!"

- or -

Friend: "Do you smell bananas?"

Woman: "No."

- or -

Woman: "Have you found the problem?"

OBGYN: "No, but this here is delicious."

- or -

Tickles Brick Tickles: "Honey! Come back! I thought you would enjoy it!"

Woman: "Why?"

Tickles Brick Tickles: "At least your twat doesn't smell like fish."

- or -

Ape: "Wunhh wunhh wooo wooo!"

Woman (to self): "O, why did I ever have sex with an ape? He has no idea what goes where!"

by scorpionmintred February 27, 2009

collapsed soufflé

1. (n.) The sides of a fat woman that are compressed by pants so badly that skin and fat pours over the sides of the pants, looking like a collapsed soufflé.

Note: This is a more severe condition than a muffin top in that even moderately heavy girls can get a bit "muffiny", but only genuinely obese women can have a collapsed soufflé.

2. (n.) The skin of a woman's stomach after pregnancy, when it looks deflated and wrinkly, like a collapsed soufflé.

This condition may also affect other parts of the body after liposuction.

Kat: Hey Jenny, I guess you turned the oven off too early.

Jenny: What ever do you mean by that?

Kat: You totally have a collapsed soufflé.

- or -

Kat: Aw, Brenda, your baby is so cute.

Brenda: Whatever, that little ass gave me the worst case of collapsed soufflé!

Kat: Yeah he did. I think it's dragging on the floor. ::throws up::

- or -

Doctor: Who the hell was eating dessert in my OR?!

Nurse: Um, doctor, that's the patient.

Doctor: By god she's fat.

- or -

French Chef: Bon! My finest soufflé is finally ready for le "prime time"!

Oaf Busboy: ::knocks into table::

Soufflé: ::collapses::

French Chef: You oaf! Get ze hell out of my kitchen!

Oaf Busboy: Fuck you, chef! That thing looks like your mother's hips!

by scorpionmintred March 18, 2010

Danger Clit

A superhero born in North Pussyville, descended from the clan of Wettingwetwet.

Superpowers include: Hiding, Becoming Erect (similar to Penis Power), Pussy Gushing.

Nemises include: Confused Virgin, Angry Lesbian, and Africa.

Superfriends include: Loose Labia, Generous G-Spot, Vindictive Vulva, Vivacious Vibrator.

Favorite movies: Can't watch movies at cause of being stuffed in underpants all day.

Least favorite smell: Itself, when not washed for long periods of time.

Lease favorite crust: Dried menses.

Who's the pink private clit that makes the pussies allllll wet? Clit! Thaaat's wrong.

Danger clit.

by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003

Asskerchief

A pornographic sub-genre similar to cake farts wherein a person blows their nose into the open anus of another person. While the method of sexual gratification is unclear, it provides great humor to those involved.

"The asskerchief is an inefficient way to clear one's nasal passages."

- or -

Man: "I asked my wife if I could asskerchief her, like I saw on the internet."

Friend: "What did she say?"

Man: "She laughed at me and filed for divorce."

Friend: "That seems excessive."

Man: "Well I'm also a terrible husband."

- or -

Man: "I searched for asskerchief and then promptly decided to go back to normal porn."

Friend: "Normal?"

Man: "Well... MORE normal."

by scorpionmintred March 13, 2019

Urgent Pirate

When a man cannot wait to place his erect penis in a woman's bum, and so hastens around sticking his penis in any asses he can find. Possibly he would even pirate a man's ass in his haste. Very bad news to be standing in front of such a pirate in line for, say, groceries.

That Urgent Pirate just stabbed your nasty-ass mom in the butt!

by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003

clown moustache

After going down on a woman with unfortunate menses, the area around your mouth will be red, like a clown's.

Woman: "I am now afraid of clowns because after going down on me you had a clown moustache."

by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003