white eyeliner

The act of ejaculating on a woman's face -- via either wild masturbation or a priceless blow job -- and then using your cock to rub jism around the woman's eye as if applying eyeliner.

The woman is then ready for a fanstastic night on the town! All that remains is for you to put on her dirty sanchez disguise!

Somehow, she looked less like a whore, and more like your mom, when I applied some white eyeliner.

by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003

collapsed soufflé

1. (n.) The sides of a fat woman that are compressed by pants so badly that skin and fat pours over the sides of the pants, looking like a collapsed soufflé.

Note: This is a more severe condition than a muffin top in that even moderately heavy girls can get a bit "muffiny", but only genuinely obese women can have a collapsed soufflé.

2. (n.) The skin of a woman's stomach after pregnancy, when it looks deflated and wrinkly, like a collapsed soufflé.

This condition may also affect other parts of the body after liposuction.

Kat: Hey Jenny, I guess you turned the oven off too early.

Jenny: What ever do you mean by that?

Kat: You totally have a collapsed soufflé.

- or -

Kat: Aw, Brenda, your baby is so cute.

Brenda: Whatever, that little ass gave me the worst case of collapsed soufflé!

Kat: Yeah he did. I think it's dragging on the floor. ::throws up::

- or -

Doctor: Who the hell was eating dessert in my OR?!

Nurse: Um, doctor, that's the patient.

Doctor: By god she's fat.

- or -

French Chef: Bon! My finest soufflé is finally ready for le "prime time"!

Oaf Busboy: ::knocks into table::

Soufflé: ::collapses::

French Chef: You oaf! Get ze hell out of my kitchen!

Oaf Busboy: Fuck you, chef! That thing looks like your mother's hips!

by scorpionmintred March 18, 2010

Urgent Pirate

When a man cannot wait to place his erect penis in a woman's bum, and so hastens around sticking his penis in any asses he can find. Possibly he would even pirate a man's ass in his haste. Very bad news to be standing in front of such a pirate in line for, say, groceries.

That Urgent Pirate just stabbed your nasty-ass mom in the butt!

by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003

poor man's menses

1. When a man is a fiend for having sex whilst the woman is on the rag, but cannot find himself a menstruating woman, he secretly squirts ketchup into the woman's vaginal canal before sex.

2. When a man's girlfriend is not on the pill, and he wants to cum inside her when she isn't actually on the rag. He secretly squirts ketchup inside her vaginal canal whilst she sleeps so she wakes up thinking she has her period.

Woman: "My entire reproductive tract is ruined from poor man's menses".

- or -

Woman: "I don't know how I keep getting pregnant while I'm on the rag!"
Man: "Maybe it's all the poor man's menses I've been squirting inside you?"

- or -

Abortionist: "What the hell is that??"
Woman: "Poor man's menses and a week-old fetus?"

- or -

OBGYN: "What the hell is that?"
Woman: "I don't know, but it goes great with french fries!"

- or -

OBGYN: "Damn, this goes well with french fries!"

by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003

Asskerchief

A pornographic sub-genre similar to cake farts wherein a person blows their nose into the open anus of another person. While the method of sexual gratification is unclear, it provides great humor to those involved.

"The asskerchief is an inefficient way to clear one's nasal passages."

- or -

Man: "I asked my wife if I could asskerchief her, like I saw on the internet."

Friend: "What did she say?"

Man: "She laughed at me and filed for divorce."

Friend: "That seems excessive."

Man: "Well I'm also a terrible husband."

- or -

Man: "I searched for asskerchief and then promptly decided to go back to normal porn."

Friend: "Normal?"

Man: "Well... MORE normal."

by scorpionmintred March 13, 2019

Danger Clit

A superhero born in North Pussyville, descended from the clan of Wettingwetwet.

Superpowers include: Hiding, Becoming Erect (similar to Penis Power), Pussy Gushing.

Nemises include: Confused Virgin, Angry Lesbian, and Africa.

Superfriends include: Loose Labia, Generous G-Spot, Vindictive Vulva, Vivacious Vibrator.

Favorite movies: Can't watch movies at cause of being stuffed in underpants all day.

Least favorite smell: Itself, when not washed for long periods of time.

Lease favorite crust: Dried menses.

Who's the pink private clit that makes the pussies allllll wet? Clit! Thaaat's wrong.

Danger clit.

by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003

clown moustache

After going down on a woman with unfortunate menses, the area around your mouth will be red, like a clown's.

Woman: "I am now afraid of clowns because after going down on me you had a clown moustache."

by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003