When a woman gets aroused on her way out of the abortion clinic and bangs the first anti-abortion activist she lays eyes on.
Woman: Hey man, wanna have some abortion sex?
Activist: What!? You are the devil!
Woman: Yeah, but you're a virgin. Pussy!
Activist: Um...true. Is the offer still on the table?
Woman: Come on Jeb, I'll take care of you. Off with those pants!
When KY Jelly isn't available and you need to lube up your grandma's sandy old dust snatch.
Man, my grandma was really horny last night. I decided to oblige after she took her teeth out.
Fumbling in the poorly lit bedroom, I couldn't find my tube of lube. She moaned "give it to me Hansel!"
Shuddering with disgust, I closed off my left nostril and blew a filthy, brown-green snot clot all over her clitoris (which was withered and deformed with age).
Then I gave her a hard hump and had my first official booger sex.
What it will be called after Urban Dictionary is taken over by Sikh Terrorists.
I submitted an entry to turban dictionary and those assholes didn't accept it. Probably because it wasn't about turbans. Assholes.
What you get after fucking a guy in the ass when he hasn't taken a dump in a few days. A Penis covered in Poo.
Grandpa (in a pirate voice): arrrrrgggg, Billy. Me matey. Shiver me anus!
Billy: first mate reporting for duty!
Grandpa: 'tis a fine instrument you got there, Billy. All hands on the poop deck.
Billy: oh Gramps. Here it comes...
Grandpa: garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. That's the stuff.
10 minutes later:
Billy: awwwwww - sick. Grandpa, I have a Poonis.
Grandpa: yarrrr. Gross. Time for a colostomy bag...
America is probably the worst country in the world. Not surprisingly, 50% of its occupants also think it sucks ass. Think about it - can you name a country in the world in which at least half of its citizens think it sucks? Nope. Even Somalians love their country more than Americans do.
Boy, I hate living in America, don't you?
Yep. I shore do, buckwheat. I shore do.
Wanna go start a pointless war to distract our fellow citizens from reality?
Good idea. See you there. Bring your child raping kit and some grenades.
A citizen of the United States of America. Most Americans smell like feces.
Hey Jean-Pierre, look at that American.
Look at him? I can smell him from here.
Something you say when someone enthusiastically tells you about something that you think is retarded. It generally gives them the impression that you care, but provides an opportunity to get into a new conversation without being rude.
Excellent for dealing with co-workers who tell you about "their crazy weekend," when your weekend was in fact 18 times crazier and involved at least two activities that were illegal.
"Morning Charlie. Man, I had the craziest weekend ever! I had three beers and totally danced up a storm at the bar. It was the neatest time ever."
*(internal monologue): holy crap...this guy sucks ass. I wonder what he would say if I told him about my weekend. Let's see, I did about 16 grams of shrooms, chugged a bottle of whiskey, and then smoked a whole bunch of weed. Then I thought I saw Jesus and chased him down the street with an axe. I woke up in a pool of vomit in Mexico and had to hitch a ride back home with some illegal immigrants...
"Wow, Frank, that sure sounds like a lot of fun! Good times...Anyway - see you later."