plus-size albert's definitions

Old Agoura

A neighborhood in the eastern part of Agoura Hills, CA. It is known as the original "Agoura" community before it became an official city in 1982. It is a bizarre mixture of mansions, miniature farms where people raise horses, and dimly lit warehouses where high schoolers will do burn-outs. For anyone who doesn't own a horse or car, it is hell to get from A to B without twisting your ankle, this is because the area has no actual sidewalks. As "peaceful" as the area seems during the day, it actually has the highest crime rate in the eastern Conejo valley. This is mainly because of it's no streetlight policy, which makes it pitch-black at night. Thus, allowing low-lifers from the SF valley to break into cars and slip away into the night. This also allows Agoura High students to commit most of their shenanigans here. So you will be cruising by white-picket fences with people brushing horses, turn a corner, and see an ENTIRE wall tagged with random graffiti, or you'll be chilling in your backyard and hear tires screeching a block over. Of course, the adults are clueless about this and it'll be up to you to keep your valuables safe. Although the Brightside is, it has lots of great hiking trails, so that you can twist your ankle faster :).

"You know, Old Agoura actually has the highest crime rate in Agoura Hills." - teen
"Oh no it doesn't! You kids don't know how good you have it!" - clueless adult

by plus-size albert December 20, 2020

Conejo valley

A region of southern California that consists of southern Thousand Oaks/Newbury Park, Westlake Village, Agoura Hills, a little bit of Calabasas, and Oak Park which is actually not apart of this region or county, but is considered one of the region's neighborhoods. Each one of these "communities" has a specific trait:
Thousand Oaks/Newbury Park: Working class Simi Valley - type people
Westlake Village: Skater teens and rich adults
Agoura Hills: Wannabe gangster teens who do drugs and tag walls in parking lots, and redneck adults who are friendly but clueless about these incidents

Calabasas: Rich people but bad schools

Oak Park: Pot heads and insane/unexpected news, like kidnappings and pedophiles

"I live in Conejo Valley."

"Oh yeah? Which city?"
"Oak park"
"Huh?"

by plus-size albert November 22, 2020

Agoura Hills, CA

A small southern California city in Los Angeles County. It has a population of 20,000 and life here is somewhere in-between living in a charming small town, and EVERYTHING WRONG with a suburb. It's filled with nice but clueless adults and cool but sketchy teens. If many people would take five seconds to look away from the big houses and palm trees, you would see that it's not uncommon to find a used needle next to the sidewalk or have a bottle thrown at you while walking through a parking lot.

"Agoura Hills, CA has excellent schools! :)" - Clueless parent

by plus-size albert November 20, 2020

Conejo valley

A region of southern California that consists of southern Thousand Oaks/Newbury Park, Westlake Village, Agoura Hills, a little bit of Calabasas, and Oak Park which is actually not apart of this region or county, but is considered one of the region's neighborhoods. Each one of these "communities" has a specific trait:
Thousand Oaks/Newbury Park: Working class Simi Valley - type people
Westlake Village: Skater teens and rich adults
Agoura Hills: Wannabe gangster teens who do drugs and tag walls in parking lots, and redneck adults who are friendly but clueless about these incidents

Calabasas: Rich people but bad schools

Oak Park: Pot heads and insane/unexpected news, like kidnappings and pedophiles

"I live in Conejo Valley."

"Oh yeah? Which city?"
"Oak park"
"Huh?"

by plus-size albert November 22, 2020

Agoura High School

A Highschool in Agoura Hills, CA. Attending this place is a punishment. Once you have dodged the insane soccer moms in their vans that are larger than their asses, you must sit in multiple overcrowded classrooms over the course of 7 hours. All while SJW teachers talk their theories at you on why white people are bad. When you've survived that, you will be lucky to find your bike still chained up. Because there is a 60% chance that it will be stolen by one of the many wannabe thugs that plague the school and the surrounding neighborhood. HAVE FUN!

"Agoura High school is gonna be the greatest time of your life!" - Literally all of the middle school teachers in the area.

NEWSFLASH: it's not

by plus-size albert November 20, 2020

Conejo valley

A region of southern California that consists of southern Thousand Oaks/Newbury Park, Westlake Village, Agoura Hills, a little bit of Calabasas, and Oak Park which is actually not apart of this region or county, but is considered one of the region's neighborhoods. Each one of these "communities" has a specific trait:
Thousand Oaks/Newbury Park: Working class Simi Valley - type people
Westlake Village: Skater teens and rich adults
Agoura Hills: Wannabe gangster teens who do drugs and tag walls in parking lots, and redneck adults who are friendly but clueless about these incidents

Calabasas: Rich people but bad schools

Oak Park: Pot heads and insane/unexpected news, like kidnappings and pedophiles

"I live in Conejo Valley."

"Oh yeah? Which city?"
"Oak park"
"Huh?"

by plus-size albert November 22, 2020

California Cowboy

A person from California who is conservative and gung - ho. A personality that contradicts the typical Californian

"I love California but I've never really fit in"
"Yeah, you're just a California cowboy"

by plus-size albert May 23, 2021