4 definitions by mkr32208

Top Definition
1) A religion that is centered around the worship of a single man, woman, child, or group there off! Almost all religions today are cults! Just because a 'religion' has a billion members doesn't change the fact that it's a cult!

2)A religion that locks you of from friends and family isolates you and attempts to take advantage of you! Could be financial, sexual, mental etc!
All religions are cults... Some are still worse than others though!
by mkr32208 May 18, 2006
The ruling class of the cult known as Jehovah's witnesses! Not required to follow the same rules as everyone else in the group! Before you study with these false prophets please please please do some extensive research into their beliefs!
Wait a minute how come your kid is going to law school and the Watchtower is PAYING for it?

Cause I'm on he governing body and I'm better than you!

Fuck you and your cult I'm out of here!
by mkr32208 May 18, 2006
The Jehovah's Witnesses are a cult offshoot of the Millerite movement in the late 1800's. Founded by a known con man named Russell who used the "religion" as a scam to sell products such as "miracle wheat." They originally taught that the world would end in 1874. When that date came and went the teaching became that Jesus had returned to earth to begin ruling in 1874 and that the world would now end in 1914! Many "proofs" were offered to back up that date. Most were completely idiotic the measurements of the pyramids and the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem in 606 pop to mind!

However they were caught out again when 1914 came and went! So once again things had to change! Around that time a drunken adulterer actually seized control in a hostile takeover by buying out the stock of the religion and having the original "council" thrown off the Brooklyn property by the police! This self-appointed "judge" is largely responsible for the religion we know today as "Jehovah's Witnesses" (although many of their core doctrines have changed and indeed continue to change!) It was he who banned all outside celebrations birthday, Christmas, Easter etc... He did this on the weakest of possible grounds, inaccuracies and twisting of scripture. His goal was to completely alienate the witnesses from the general population. Make them feel different, better, special, a trick used by many cults today and throughout history. It’s a practice that witnesses still continue to this day!

He changed the dates again, saying now that Jesus had returned to power in 1914 the end was in 1918, then 1925 then 1935, by then the 1874 dates and stranger beliefs were being downplayed and ignored! After all these failed dates they were loosing members rapidly even with the new “preaching work” they were rapidly failing the “Witnesses” looked like they would soon become nothing more than a historical footnote! Around then “the judge” came up with a theory about the “generation” of 1914 and the “generation” that Jesus spoke of! He came up with a slick new campaign spearheaded by a public lecture and a book called “Millions now living will NEVER die” He said that the generation that saw the end of 1914 would be the same generation that saw the end of this wicked world! Thousands of witnesses quit their jobs sold their homes and belongings and hit the streets to preach this imminent destruction! The “judge” also organized an extremely “in your face” preaching style which was intended to start riots, beatings, and fights. He did this so that he could then take his new “religion” into the courtroom and gain publicity for his “Devine work.” The judge was an unabashed publicity hound! He had built a large mansion in California where he lived with his mistress and several other female attendants he encouraged others to sell all and preach while he lived in luxury and drove two 16 cylinder Cadillac’s!

Of course like all of their foolish prophecy the generation teaching also failed to come about and in 1995 the slogan and “generation teaching” was dropped. Many elderly witnesses are now living in poverty with no retirement or savings due to the fact that the end was so near… It’s very sad when you think about it!

This is a big trick of witnesses even today they change their beliefs CONSTANTLY and when deny that they ever believed differently! Some simple examples include the prophetic date for Jerusalem's fall (first 606 then someone pointed out that the year 0 was actually not a year, rather than admit that they were wrong they simply changed the historic date of the fall to 607??? WTF! This despite the fact that there are over 10,000 stone manuscripts from that time that date the fall to 587, which also agrees with a biblical time line!) Changing prophecy, 1874,1914,1918,1925,1935,1975 etc... The ever-changing medical policies, no organ transplants (thousands died from refusing) then in the 1970's suddenly that was ok... So sorry that you had to die! Then no blood or blood fractions, thousands died and thousands continue to die. Now blood fractions are fine but no whole blood (in fact if you add up all the allowed blood fractions it's nearly 94% of blood can be taken just not all at once...) you can eat a burger patty and lettuce, and pickle and a bun but if you put it all together god will kill you... This despite the clear fact that taking blood is not the same as eating blood and the penalty for eating blood in the bible was to 'be unclean until the evening' wasn't even a major sin! This group is really fucked up!

All of this garbage has been disproved so thoroughly that any unbiased person would simply laugh at these guys which is why their number are now on the decline in every single industrialized nation. Although they do still enjoy growth in third world nations!

By and large they are a failing religion, held onto by fanatics who simply won’t admit that they have given their lives to a publishing company… If you know any witnesses give them a hug they are having some hard times!
I'm a Jehovah's Witnesses I don't know what I'll believe tomorrow... That light sure keeps getting brighter!

The bible hasn't changed though?

Shut the fuck up! *fingers in ears* Light gets brighter, Light gets brighter, Light gets brighter!
by mkr32208 April 08, 2006
What members of the Jehovah's Witness cult call their church just to be different! A perfect summary of their cult teachings in fact! They have to try to be special in every single phase of life! No scriptural reason for it just them being self rightious ass hole cultist!
Hey is that the worlds dumpiest church?

No thats a "kingdom hall"

So it's a fucking church right?

Nope "kingdom hall"

Do you have religious services there?


Do you pray and sing and act like ass holes there?


Then it's a fucking church you idiotic prick!
by mkr32208 May 18, 2006

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