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2 definitions by mike2sheds

 
1.
Highly versatile comparative noun. You can be absolutely *anything* as a bastard: as rich as a bastard, as poor as a bastard, as clever as a bastard, as thick as a bastard. It is even possible to be as legitimate as a bastard.
1. "Jeez, what did I drink last night? I was as drunk as a bastard!"

2. "No, officer, I have not been drinking. I'm as sober as a bastard."
by mike2sheds March 21, 2007
 
2.
Dried semen. An unsightly stain.
After Tommy Vance, UK radio DJ.
by mike2sheds March 05, 2007