mark shackelford's definitions

holysexual

Men and women who completely abstain from even the hint of sex until married and only have sex with their spouse in obedience to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

<pastor> I didn't even kiss my wife until we were married. On our honeymoon, it was about a two hour drive to our hotel after the flight. I was doing all I could to contain myself. We finally arrived and what happened after that is none of your business.
<teenager> Were you asexual or something?
<pastor> No, I am a holysexual.

by Mark Shackelford June 1, 2007

mexican cereal

Corn chip fragments mixed with salsa eaten with a spoon.

When life throws you nothing but the bottom of a bag of corn chips and some salsa, make mexican cereal!

by Mark Shackelford August 6, 2007

Jeep

A term used to loosely describe your SUV when trying to act like you're so full of life that you don't even know what you really drive.

<customer> I need a part for my Mitsubishi Jeep.
<parts man> Is that a Mitsubishi or a Jeep?
<customer> It's a Mitsubishi.
<parts man> What model Mitsubishi?
<customer> A Jeep.
<parts man> Alright, is that a Wrangler, Cherokee or Grand Cherokee?
<customer> No, it's a Mitsubishi.
<parts man> What kind of Mitsubishi?
<customer> A Mitsubishi Jeep.
<parts man> Do you have the VIN?
<customer> No, I don't.

by Mark Shackelford May 31, 2007

eggslax

The sudden, involuntary, rapid emptying of one's bowels after eating too many eggs.

<egg eater> I'm about to bingo stamp my underwear in a very big way if I don't find a restroom.
<meat eater> Was it something you ate?
<grain eater> He's got a bad case of eggslax!

by Mark Shackelford May 31, 2007

Fleabites

One of the many groups of peoples listed in the Holy Bible that at one time or another caused trouble against Israel.

You shall not allow any of the jebusites, perezites, hittites, moabites or fleabites to enter the congregation.

by Mark Shackelford June 11, 2007

anal tissue

A soft tissue on a roll engineered primarily for wiping feces off a person's anus. It is also frequently substituted for facial tissue.

<wife> How did your day go?
<hubby> Not good.
<wife> What happened?
<hubby> I took a dump at work before I realized we were out of anal tissue.
<wife> That's terrible. So what did you do?
<hubby> I used my undershirt.

by Mark Shackelford June 4, 2007

waterblogged

To become saturated with blogs to the point of being unable to function normally.

<boyfriend> What's wrong with you tonite, you look like you were hit by a Mac truck?
<girlfriend> Sorry, I spent a little too much time on the computer and I'm a little waterblogged right now.

by Mark Shackelford June 11, 2007