n., v., adj., depending on context
1) noun - an undesireable item located within an oxymoronicly desireable circumstance
2) verb - a sexual act which can be performed in closets and *only* in closets. details of said act can not be written as to read them would only result in multiple orgasms for the reader, thus the use of the word speeming, to protect the reader from such pleasure, should they be in a public place
3)adjective - the word becomes an adjective when the suffix 'tastic' is added. its a complimentary word and can be used referring to the positive appearance of someone's feet or shoes, and only their feet/shoes.
1) "let's go to the concert!!! aww, no! your car broke down!!! what a piece of speem!!!"
2) "johnny and jane were speeming again?!?! whoooa....so THATS why they've been so happy this week...."
3) "amy! speemtastic shoes!"