A unit of measurement, usually used for comparing dongs, which obtains its' value from what is in Jake the Snake Kaiser's pants. Its' legendary status earned it the right to be a unit of measurement. 1 kaiser= 1.5 ft=.47 m.
Luke: I know it's gay to mention, but I saw a guy in the changing room at the Y who was only .033 kaisers long. It was like a tic tac.