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10 definitions by jonimethfan

 
1.
A person who believes that Alien Lizards are taking over the Earth. He doesn't convincingly explain as to why they, with their presumably far superior power and technology don't take over 'Just Like That' and be done with it. Indeed these lizards must be mega-tolerant not to have eaten old Ickey alive already. I mean, what have they got to lose?
Thank God David Icke comes from Leicester. Just imagine the sort of mindless, evil, twaddle he'd be coming out with if he'd come from Manchester instead.
by jonimethfan October 29, 2011
65 55
 
2.
The international language of choice for Call Centres.
I phoned up to pay the Gas Bill and the bloke at the other end told me a filthy joke in fluent Xhosa while he was processing my transaction.

It went 'click, pop, phut, tonk, whir, ptow.

I have to admit it now... I pissed myself!
by jonimethfan October 20, 2011
4 2
 
3.
The study of the language devices used by shy, withdrawn young men, who dress up as their aged mothers in order to scare to death the entire Solar System. Also the name of a Hollywood thriller based on the findings of such research.
Ant, toe, knee Purr Kings as 'far from Normal Bates' frit the shit outer yaws Trudy in vat Hunchback triller 'Psycholinguistics' Thu 'Show her' seen wasp by fart the Wurst bite.
by jonimethfan October 19, 2011
0 1
 
4.
A Scottish mantra. Most associated with imbibing to excess in the recent past.
Englishman no. 1See that guy over there? The redhead collapsed in the street, conveniently over a drain, wearing a kilt with a sporran, whilst spastically hugging a Whiskey vomit soaked set of Bagpipes?

Englishman no. 2 You mean that strange chap that last night staggered into a nearby biker pub in London's East End threatening to kill everybody?

Englishman no. 1 Yes! Well... you know what? I reckon there's a fair chance he might be Scottish! Listen! He's feebly chanting 'och ma heed'.
by jonimethfan October 08, 2011
1 1
 
5.
A misnomer. The riot took place in Poland. After the twinning of Auschwitz with Corby.

All went well to begin with. A visit to Poland went down a treat. Words such as 'This ex Death Camp is quite swish next to The Exeter' and 'I wouldn't mind living in that shed rather than on The Beanfield' and ' I'm staying here instead of returning to The Lincoln' were heard.

The trouble really kicked off with the first visit to Corby by a group of Poles. Things got off to a lousy start when a shocked huddle of visitors with chins agape were given a guided tour of Corby Town Centre. One Pole panicked, and started to walk home rather than suffer any more. Luckily for him, he made it to Kettering General Hospital, where he was treated for Post Traumatic Stress in A and E.

That first day, as the guided tour progressed to the rest of town, there was a run on vomit bags. The highlight 'Visit to Canada Square' resulted in Kettering A and E shining yet again. Treating umpteen cases of uncontrolled, projectile vomiting, a couple of cases of being 'Brained' with an empty Whiskey Bottle, and a single case of violent homosexual rape.

The so called 'Corby Riot' occurred when the bedraggled survivors arrived back in Auschwitz. Within 5 minutes of the coach parking outside, the Town Hall was well ablaze. Also, persons unknown had stolen the 'Arbeit Macht Frei' gate (later found on 'The Beanfield' being used as a trellis.)
Corby has been twinned with a crater on the Dark Side of the Moon in order to prevent another 'Corby Riot'.
by jonimethfan October 11, 2011
1 2
 
6.
To be so enraged by an Internet personality, that one cannot wait to dash off a foully abusive, electronic missive.
That twat on www.wind_up_merchant.com had me so pissed off I started Foaming at the Fingertips.
by jonimethfan October 07, 2011
0 1
 
7.
A notoriously transparent scam, whereby 'A powerful local interest group', for opaque reasons, bribed the publishers of 'The 10 Worst Places in the Entire Universe' to move 'Corby in its' entirety' down 9 places to... YES, you guessed it! Ninth place!
How on Earth The Bagpipe Mafia ever thought they'd get away with Corbygate is totally beyond me.
by jonimethfan October 10, 2011
0 2