33 definitions by henryfromny2.0
The Jaguar XJ (RIP) was a large luxury sedan made by Jaguar to compete with the Lexus LS and Mercedes-Benz S-class. Decidedly more stylish and sporty than the aforementioned sedans, yet not nearly as popular. The XJs were all very stylish, unique and unmistakably British. While A-list celebrities weren't huge XJ customers, it has had the honor of being name-dropped in a couple of rap songs and been the car of choice for many senior members of the British Royal Family. The XJ was getting old, but that's not to say it deserved to die. It could have been the S-class of the Jaguar Land Rover family, but let's be real, the Range Rover killed it a long time ago. RIP XJ.
Diana: I have a Jaguar XJ.
Jason: Ew, an old man's car?
Diana: No. It's a badass piece of British kit. You and your Cadillac can fuck off.
Jason: Ew, an old man's car?
Diana: No. It's a badass piece of British kit. You and your Cadillac can fuck off.
by henryfromny2.0 September 23, 2022
The Audi Allroad can best be described as a Subaru Outback that went to Choate. It, like the Volvo Cross Country and Mercedes E-Class Wagon, has long been a favorite of the country's wealthiest families, and can frequently be spotted with a bunch of college bumper stickers and lax sticks strewn throughout the trunk. If the Volvo Cross Country is more New Haven and the E-Class Wagon is more Georgetown, the Audi Allroad is more Ann Arbor; still sophisticated, with that subtly-intelligent college-town prep vibe, but maybe not as quintessential as say, New Haven or Georgetown. Unfortunately, after the dumpster fire that was the first Allroad back in the early aughts, Audi's Stealth Wealth Wagon became associated with questionable reliability, but shhh, no one needs to remember that. The Allroad is far more sophisticated than a normal Audi sedan. A4s and A6s are everywhere, but Allroads are a rare, rare breed.
by henryfromny2.0 September 4, 2023
When you truly have big money and don't have to 'prove it' with a tacky matte black Tesla or a Porsche 911 draped in carbon fiber, you go for a Stealth Wealth Wagon, which is essentially a luxury sedan with a big ass. Stealth Wealth Wagons are ALWAYS European and include the Volvo V90, V60, V70 and XC70, the Audi A4 and A6 allroad/avant, the BMW 3 or 5-series Touring, the Jaguar XF Sportbrake and by far the most popular of the bunch, the Mercedes-Benz E-Class Wagon. While Europeans may view the aforementioned cars as taxis or mundane family shuttles, the Stealth Wealth Wagon is a symbol of old money, refinement, elegance and subdued class in America. Everyone and their mother has an SUV or a sedan, but a Stealth Wealth Wagon is almost always bought, and never leased. People go through their Q5s and E350s faster than Pete Davidson goes through girlfriends, but part of the reason that Stealth Wealth Wagons are so hard to find used is because they are typically retained by their first owners for a loooong time. For that reason, they either have insanely low or insanely high mileage. When you see a Stealth Wealth Wagon, new or old, ALWAYS assume the person driving has fuck-you money. They're a part of a highly exclusive club.
Marin County, Beverly Hills, Pacific Heights, the North Shore, Petoskey, Shaker Heights, Georgetown, Buckhead, Asheville, Middleburg, Hilton Head, Savannah, the Main Line, the UES, the Hamptons, the Hudson Valley, all of Fairfield and Westchester Counties, especially Greenwich, Princeton/Charlottesville/Ann Arbor, Wellesley, the Cape and Islands, and Bar Harbor are all places where you'll have a high likelihood of running into a Stealth Wealth Wagon.
by henryfromny2.0 September 4, 2023
Marin County summed up:
- The old bearded hippie who drives a beat-up Peugeot station wagon and does Simon & Garfunkel covers is actually a multimillionaire.
- They claim to be liberals, but are visibly uncomfortable around people of color.
- There are more Porsche 911s than there are Black people.
- No good Asian food, except for maybe 3 restaurants.
- Only Tam, Marin Academy, Redwood, Branson and to some extent, Marin Catholic are relevant.
- The only immigrants here are your friends' Swedish, Dutch or German moms or French, British or Italian dads.
- Houses may be ugly 80s leftovers, but they're still worth $5 million.
- Kids turn into druggies or alcoholics before their sixteenth birthdays, and their parents let them.
- Your dad is in a band, mountain bikes, and has an old BMW or Porsche.
- Your mom teaches yoga, has a Patagonia puffer and only shops at farmers' markets.
- The old bearded hippie who drives a beat-up Peugeot station wagon and does Simon & Garfunkel covers is actually a multimillionaire.
- They claim to be liberals, but are visibly uncomfortable around people of color.
- There are more Porsche 911s than there are Black people.
- No good Asian food, except for maybe 3 restaurants.
- Only Tam, Marin Academy, Redwood, Branson and to some extent, Marin Catholic are relevant.
- The only immigrants here are your friends' Swedish, Dutch or German moms or French, British or Italian dads.
- Houses may be ugly 80s leftovers, but they're still worth $5 million.
- Kids turn into druggies or alcoholics before their sixteenth birthdays, and their parents let them.
- Your dad is in a band, mountain bikes, and has an old BMW or Porsche.
- Your mom teaches yoga, has a Patagonia puffer and only shops at farmers' markets.
by henryfromny2.0 March 26, 2023
Easily the most slept on luxury car of all time. While Mercedes pumps out E-class sedans, wagons, coupes and convertibles by the second, Jaguar's big wagon was left to languish. While no one bought them, probably due to how terrible the pre-facelift XF interiors were, they represented a uniquely British estate car with drop-dead gorgeous styling and decent performance. Rest in peace XF Sportbrake.
by henryfromny2.0 October 24, 2022